My Son Stopped Talking During the Teen Years And It Was Tough on Me

This is a contributed post by Melissa Neeb, co-author of the book Moms Never Stop Momming

Once upon a time ago, my teen son stopped talking.

He hit the teen years so hard that he clammed up.

As a little boy, he talked my ever-loving ear off. He had more questions than I could answer. He was a million-watt bulb that every creature and human wanted to be near.

He was pure sunshine.

Until he wasn’t.

Teen boys often withdraw during adolescence.

As a teen, he struggled with mental health and isolated himself. He shut down and stopped talking. And storms rolled in under his skin.

I was powerless to stop it. So it is with moms who desperately want to fix life’s unfixable things and take their kid’s pain away.

I simply held on. It was the only thing I knew to do. Sometimes with a death grip. Other times loosely, like a kite string tickling my fingertips.

I missed my little boy with a force that took my breath right out of my lungs.

I grieved.

I kept engaging with him, even when I would get one-word answers.

I leaned in his doorway just so I could be near him. Even if we said nothing. Even if I had to hide my tears by turning my head and blinking fast.

I missed him even though he was right in front of me.

Related: Teen Boys Need These 9 Simple Things to Get Through These Tough Years

Puberty can be a tough time for teen boys and their parents

I would leave his favorite snack on his desk while he was gaming. Leave notes expressing how proud I was of him. 

I often reminded him that I was always there if he needed anything.

Then, one day, my not-so-sunshiney boy graduated from high school and went off to college, and a light switch flipped back on.

The clouds over his head rolled out, and the sky in his eyes cleared.

He opened back up to the world. 

He opened back up to me.

This kid of mine, not so much a kid anymore, returned to himself.

Now he loves filling me in on all the things and asking my advice and making me laugh.

I take these moments and store them up like treasures in a worn wooden box.

These moments like when he is scrolling his phone and a laugh erupts out of nowhere, startling me a bit.

Moments when I make him PB&J’s, and it’s his turn to lean and linger in the doorway while he talks about film class.

Moments when his face flashes back and forth between semi-adult him and four-year-old him, and I swear every time I blink I see another hint of childhood peeking out from his eyelids.

Related: Raising Teen Boys Takes Loads of Patience, Grace, and an Open Heart

I will take these moments, every precious, ordinary one of them, and use them like glitter thrown over my head. I will celebrate the fact that I get to be his mom.

I get to carry whole entire versions of him with me and catch glimpses of them at random moments and float blissfully and achingly in the remembering.

My favorite thing now is what always was.

Long conversations late into the night. Him talking, sharing glimpses of his inner world with me.

And I let him talk as long as he wants. 

If you’re looking for some help, humor, and a little bit of much-needed hope as you raise teenagers, we recommend Moms Never Stop Momming: (And We Couldn’t If We Tried) by Esther Joy Goetz and Melissa Faith Neeb. This book is a collection of heartfelt essays from moms like you who have laughed, have cried, and have learned to give themselves grace along the way because we’re all doing our best.

Parenting teens and tweens is a hard job, but you’re not alone. Here are some other posts parents have found helpful:

8 Effective Ways to Get Your Teen Son to Open Up to You

I Wasn’t Prepared for My Tween Son’s Mood Swings

Use This Question to Help Your Teen Grow Through Hard Times

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