Inside: There are so many changes for a 16-year-old boy, but mostly, you will be shocked as they turn into men right before your eyes.
Back in the fall, I attended our high school sports informational meeting with all the parents and student-athletes for my son’s junior year of soccer. As soon as I walked into the gymnasium, I looked around at all the boys on the team congregating together, and I was amazed to see they had all transformed into young men since the last year.
Each one of them had grown so much taller and stronger, so mature in their stature. As I greeted each one of them and asked how they were, they actually looked me in the eyes and spoke with a clarity I never heard before.
They held their heads a little higher, their voices sounded much lower, and I was struck by their newfound confident demeanor.
You see a 16-year-old boy, but you also see a young man
What happened to those kids who were once wiggling under their skin, awkward and unsettled, and still quite boyish in their appearance?
What happened to those kids who could hardly keep eye contact and always seemed restless and uncomfortable when I used to talk to them?
Now they carry on conversations and engage with real words and respectful communication. And how on earth is it that their lean and somewhat scrawny bodies have erupted into bulging muscular builds that tower over me?
Sixteen is a turning point for a teen boy
As my son joined them, displaying similar characteristics, I realized the 16th year is a pivotal time of transformation for our teen boys.
This is the year when they take off on the rocky ride toward growing up and into themselves, and at some point, they land on fairly solid ground. They still have a long way to go, but the difference between ages 15 and 16 is monumental, and the progress in their development is almost unbelievable.
It’s a complicated and precarious process that occurs during their 16th year: A journey full of stress and strain and ups and downs and good days and oh-so-bad ones too.
And as I oohed and ahhed over all these boys turned into men and talked with all the parents about how drastically our sons have changed, I knew every single one had the same tumultuous 16th-year trek along with me too.
It comes with hard lessons learned about friendship and romantic relationships. It involves hormonal mood swings that can turn any day upside down and have you wanting to pull your hair out.
The 16th year is a paradoxical path where your kid can feel empowered and proud in one moment, then adversely render himself lost and overwhelmed in the next.
It’s a year full of hard work and tough decisions, missteps, and mistakes–then learning to accept the consequences.
It’s a year that involves drastic changes in their independence as you watch your teen get behind the wheel and discover the world on their own– and how to navigate it.
It’s a wild and relentless ride, the 16th year. with our boys
But watching your kid discover who he is and what he wants while figuring out how to manage his life makes all the exhausting and maddening work of raising him worth it. Every teen boy’s development is different, and parenting our kids is unique and personal, depending on the various needs and experiences we all have.
We can’t generalize our teen’s growth because they all have their own set of stepping stones in their own time frame. But as for my son and what I’ve witnessed with many others his age, big changes are happening in the following five areas of their lives during their 16th year.
5 big changes in 16-year-old boys
Their physical appearance.
This is the year of enormous physical transformation in our sons. Their boyish looks turn into emerging men. They have facial hair and broader shoulders, bulging muscles, and larger shoe sizes. They are outgrowing their clothes faster than we can buy them.
And as they transform physically, they are immersed in and mesmerized by their drastically changing appearance as they constantly check the mirror. Teen boys care deeply about their looks just as much as teen girls do, and they are ever-so-picky and often quite critical about every detail of their presentation. (Reminder, teen boy body image issues happen more often than we think.)
This is the year they find their ‘fit’ and finally figure out what hairstyle works best for them. They assess themselves regularly to see how they look because, more than ever before, it matters.
They take pride in their physical features, feeling increasingly confident with this newly-formed body they are growing into. And yet they are constantly evaluating their progress compared to other guys-just like teen girls do. Their bodies are still growing, but the man that’s been hiding in our boys is taking over fast, and the changes are seen more during their 16th year than ever before.
Their confidence and self-worth.
The teen years leading up to age 16 are full of so many new things to learn and new places to fit in as they squirm with insecurity under their pimpled skin, just trying to navigate it all.
But by the time they hit 16, they’ve made it through the minefield of middle school and have since mastered the landscape of high school.
Now they finally feel like they have figured some things out and know what to expect in their well-traversed teen terrain. They are fully aware of the various social circles that spin around in their culture, and they have discovered the courage and confidence to steer their own course and choose their own friends without caving into the peer pressure that has diminished in power.
They are learning how to handle the stresses of academics and athletics and activities–and they know what they can accomplish (even if they fall short.) They feel more comfortable asking for help and know when they need to hunker down to do the hard work.
There are many challenges they still face during this year, but there’s a certain steadiness to their step that wasn’t there before. They are slowly growing into who they are and feeling much more self-secure.
Their communication skills.
Most 16-year-old boys have finally developed the ability to use full sentences (although you will still get one-word answers and a grunt on the regular) and more eye contact when conversing with other people, which seems to go hand-in-hand with their confidence.
They have established ways to approach adults more respectfully, can self-advocate, and be more assertive. You will hear more “pleases” and “thank yous,” and they are much better at using words to express themselves too. How they communicate with their friends does not always apply to this progress (bro), but they know how to treat others and give people the attention they deserve when talking to them.
Sure, they can still get a little squirmish from time to time when they are in overwhelming social situations, but they have also worked on effective ways to disengage from interactions appropriately and successfully.
The 16th year often brings changes in friendships. By this time, they’ve learned (or are in the process of learning) how to discern which friends are trustworthy and good for them to be around and which toxic friendships to leave behind.
With all the social circles they have witnessed evolve through the years, they now know where they do or don’t fit in. There are certainly still issues that come with friendships that shift and slide down that broken path, parting ways with those who break off. There will be ‘groups’ our boys belong to and others they don’t.
Some will hold onto the lifelong “since grade school” friends whose longevity counts. Additional friendships will form through the years, and many of their friends have deep strong roots by now. It’s so great to see our 16-year-old boys understand the significance of finding and keeping good friends.
Their responsibility and accountability.
The biggest change that happens during their 16th year is when our boys get their driver’s licenses. This is a game changer that forces them to develop responsibility in ways they never had before.
They become increasingly independent, making more choices outside of the home and with their peers. As we slowly let go, they earn our trust in handling this huge responsibility.
This is the year they develop autonomy, and with it comes serious accountability. When our boys start driving (or heading off with their friends), this experience is the most effective and natural way for them to learn how to do things on their own while respecting the rules of the road and our rules at home.
It’s a long and involved process, and there can be some difficult challenges that go with it.
But our boys slowly figure out how to be responsible and accountable with this new privilege and transform into trustworthy young men. With their newfound freedom, they are maturing to make more mindful decisions that spill into other areas of their lives, such as working their first jobs or making decisions about post-high school.
16 is a messy and turbulent year but also a beautiful and fun time
Even as our boys turn into men before our eyes, it’s exciting to see who they are becoming and our hard work with them paying off.
Our teen boys are growing up fast, but it comes with a lot of growing pains of friendships failing and certain seasons coming to an end.
It comes with new pressures in planning their future and the big decisions that lie ahead.
They are young men now, ever-changing and rearranging what it means to be who they are and where they fit into this world, full of uncertainty and increasing responsibility.
They can be the most well-mannered gentlemen at their best and the most unbearable beasts at their worst.
They can pull away in groans and grunts, then wrap their strong arms around you with an eruption of love.
And although their moods can be ferocious and the stench of their clothes makes you gag, although they still need reminders to pick up their towels after they shower, and they will adamantly debate you with their stubborn pride–they are growing and changing before our eyes and that is an incredible thing to witness.
They aren’t our baby boys anymore, they are bigger and stronger and more assured and smarter than we ever could have imagined.
And as they begin to prepare to take flight out of our nest in a few years or less, we try to hold onto these moments as long as we can.
P.S. Are you struggling with your relationship with your teen son? We highly recommend this book, How To Raise A Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men, by Michael Reichert.
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