This is a contributed post by Ashley Radzat, author of Parenting in the Third Stage: From Holding Hands to Holding Space, a guided journal for building connection, communication, and confidence in the adolescent years.
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We all knew parenting would come with a series of transitions.
First steps. First words. First day of school. Each one tugged at our hearts—and slowly, we adjusted.
But then came this stage. The one no one warned us about.
The one that feels like a storm cloud rolling in right after we thought we’d finally hit our stride.
They stop reaching for our hand. They stop talking to us about their day. And suddenly, we’re not just parenting—we’re guessing.
“Should I give them space or lean in?”
“Are they shutting me out… or just figuring themselves out?”
“Why does everything I say seem to push them away?”
This is what I call Parenting in the Third Stage—the season between childhood and adulthood where everything changes, and the old parenting map doesn’t work anymore.
And I want to tell you something that most parents in this stage never get to hear:
Your teen still wants you.
Related: Dear Daughter: This Is How We’ll Get Through These Years
The Truth I Hear Behind Closed Doors
I’m a coach who works with both parents and teens. And when I’m in a session with a teen—away from the noise, the tension, the pressure—they say things like:
“I wish my mom would just talk to me like a person.”
“I want my dad to know what I’m going through, but I don’t think he’d get it.”
“I want them to like me. I don’t think they do.”
Let that sink in.
They’re not rejecting you. They’re navigating a massive transformation—and hoping you’ll still be there on the other side.
They’re trying to open a door they don’t know how to knock on.
And here’s the hard part: the way they go about it doesn’t always look like an invitation.
Sometimes it looks like eye rolls. Silence. Fights about laundry or curfews or screen time.
But underneath that? A plea: “Please see me. Please stay with me.”
What Every Parent Asks Me as a Coach
Almost every parent who comes to me says some version of this:
“I just want to connect with my teen… but everything I say makes them shut down or push back.” Or
“Is this how it’s supposed to be? Because honestly—it hurts.”
And it does hurt. Not because you’re doing it wrong.
But because you’re in a stage of parenting that no one prepares you for. A stage where love alone doesn’t feel like enough, and instincts don’t always work. (This Is How to Turn Off Your Teen’s Argumentative Brain)
This isn’t the time to power through. Like so many times in parenting, it’s the time to pivot.
The Sad and Funny Truth Teens Tell Me
One thing that is important for parents to remember is adolescents are still trying to hone their communication skills, especially for emotions they don’t understand. When I coach teens, I actually teach them how to ask their parents for what they need.
And the teens? They laugh—but it’s a laugh that stings a little.
“So you’re basically doing dog training for parents?” they say, half-joking.
Because deep down, they know their parents need help. And they’re so desperate for connection, they’re willing to try. But they don’t always succeed, and the hard truth is it may be because of us.
Because Dad was raised not to talk about his feelings.
Because Mom feels unappreciated and exhausted.
Because the only conversations happening are about homework and chores, not hopes and fears.
So the teen gives up, or acts out, or disappears into their room.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t care. Sometimes it means they’re tired of trying without results or they don’t know what to do next.
Parents, It’s Your Turn to Try Something New
This is your opportunity to change your approach. You can say to yourself: “Okay, I’m ready to try something different. Not perfect. Just real.”
It doesn’t have to be hard or earth-shattering. You just need to remember these three things:
- You don’t have to fix everything.
- You don’t have to walk on eggshells or tiptoe around their moods.
- You just have to show up—with curiosity, but not to control.
It’s not too late. It never is. Because when your teen sees that you’re willing to grow alongside them?
Your teen will come back to you.
Maybe not all at once. Maybe not with long, heartfelt speeches. Maybe not with a lot of physical affection.
But one day, it’ll be a text that says, “Made it home safe.” Or a moment at dinner where they ask you a question. Or a late-night drive when they finally say, “Thanks for always being there.”
5 Simple Ways to Break Through When Your Teen Retreats to Their Room
It’s a familiar scene: your teen disappears into their room, and you’re left wondering how to connect without nagging or knocking down the door.Think of it this way: when your teen pulls away, pretend you’re meeting them for the first time. You wouldn’t barge in with a lecture (at least I hope not!). You’d ease in, smile, and show genuine curiosity. You don’t know exactly how they’ll respond, so you naturally soften your tone, keep it light, and let them take the lead. Approaching your teen with that same mix of curiosity and patience—not frustration—can shift the whole interaction and open the door to real connection.
Here are five gentle strategies that create openings for connection while still respecting their need for space:
Knock before entering. It sounds simple, but it communicates respect. Trust grows when teens feel their boundaries are honored.
Offer small “bids” for connection. A sticky note on their mirror, laptop, or backpack with a quick “thinking of you” or silly doodle shows you care without demanding conversation.
Keep it light. Talk about music—what’s trending now compared to what was considered “scandalous” back in the ’20s, ’60s, or even when you were a teen. It shows you can connect without turning every moment into a serious talk.
Invite, don’t insist. “I’m making popcorn if you want to hang out” feels much more inviting than a command.
Be present without pressuring. A calm, “I’m here if you want to chat,” creates safety for them to come to you when they’re ready.
This is Parenting in the Third Stage.
It’s not easy. But it’s holy work. And you don’t have to do it alone.
This piece was written by Ashley Radzat a parenting and teen coach, educator, and author of Parenting in the Third Stage: From Holding Hands to Holding Space, a guided journal for building connection, communication, and confidence in the adolescent years. Learn more at Radzat Consulting.
Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These posts can help:
Here’s How to Navigate Your Teen’s Final Year at Home
This Powerful Parenting Mindshift Can Transform Your Teen’s Attitude
When Your Teen Thinks They Know Everything (And You Know They Don’t)
Parents, Here’s How to Actually Stop Arguing with Your Oppositional Teen
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