Middle and high school can overwhelm many teens. The increased load of tests and homework on top of extracurricular activities and other obligations is enough to fluster even the steadiest of students. As a relatively new teen parent myself, I have heard my fair share of groans about homework and whining about how much “school sucks.” Sometimes, however, those occasional complaints can become more consistent, leaving you with a teen who no longer wants to study or complete their homework and seems to have little to no interest in school at all.
As parents who just want our teens to thrive and grow to be successful adults, watching them struggle with school can be heartbreaking. These can lead to many moments of frustration and wondering if there is anything we can do to get our teens focused on school.
“Hatred” Of School Could Be A Sign Of Bigger Issues
A teen’s disinterest or outright hatred of school may be a sign of bigger issues, especially when that negative view (seemingly) came out of nowhere. Here are five questions to ask yourself as you try to best support your struggling teenager.
1. Is your teen getting enough sleep?
It’s no secret teens often get less sleep than they need to function at their full potential. According to the Child Mind Institute, 60 to 70% of American teens live with a borderline to severe sleep debt. Your teen’s poor sleep habits can be caused by the unfortunate combination of increased homework and late evening/late night practices with early school start times. And while some schools are addressing the school day structure and it’s negative impact on students, a change in school hours has not happened in most of the United States. However, even though nothing can be done about the school schedule, there are ways to help your child improve their sleep habits.
Helping your child establish a sleep routine can ensure they are well rested and ready for school. This can start by encouraging your teen to limit their screen time in the evening hours and making sure they have a consistent bedtime. Remember the bedtime rituals you may have performed with your teen when they were little? Turns out, they can be helpful for your big kid. While you may no longer be reading bedtime stories, encouraging your teen to have a nightly ritual of calming activities can ease stress and aid in better sleep.
2. Is their diet healthy enough to sustain the rigor of school and activities?
Along with sleep, our teens need a balanced diet to help them feel and perform their best. Hangry teens are not likely to feel motivated and focused on school. My teen was skipping lunch (because he thought the school options were gross) and I noticed a shift in his energy level and mood. We discussed the importance of him eating healthy (well, as healthy as possible) meals throughout the day so he can feel good and keep up with his rigorous routine. I now insist he pack a lunch or at least a hearty snack to give him the energy he needs to power through a long day of classes followed by afterschool practice.
Teens looking to boost their brain power should focus on eating a balanced diet that includes a mix of fruits and vegetables, whole grains and protein. As a mom to two picky eaters, I know even getting your teen to touch a vegetable can be a challenge. But nutrition means more than these kids often realize.
3. Is your teen incentivized to try their best in school?
Even when your teen or tween gets plenty of sleep, eats healthily, and has all the support they need at home and at school, they may still lack the motivation to complete their homework or study for their next test. This is when consequences or withholding of privileges might be necessary. Some parents take car privileges or social opportunities away until grades improve. In addition, they might offer their teen a chance to “buy back” said privilege or even offer another incentive when improvement is evident. Many parents say that having an award to work toward gives their teens a sense of purpose and control over their lives.
You may also like to read: This Is How to Handle Teen School Refusal
4. Do they see a connection between school and their personal life?
“I’ll never use this in the real world,” has been uttered by teens since the first school house opened (I think). Teens (especially teen boys) very often work from a “what’s in it for me?” premise. On her podcast, Maggie Dent, author of From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Healthy, Happy Men, shared that male teens need to understand why school is important and how it will benefit them specifically. Parents of teens (of all genders) who are struggling may find that by discussing their child’s interests and pointing out the various ways school can lead to a career in a specific field may be the key to boosting grades and motivation.
5. Is your teen showing symptoms of ADHD?
Organization is key to success in school, especially in the higher levels. When teens are unable to keep their schoolwork organized, appear to be shutdown, or are lacking focus, teachers and other experienced professionals might recommend having them evaluated for ADHD and other neurological issues. Even if school has been easy in the past, that might mean the child was able to mask or cope with their ADHD. Once they reach middle or high school, however, many teens with ADHD (diagnosed or not) find concentrating on their schoolwork more challenging and may need extra support.
Even teens who don’t have ADHD may benefit from learning how to stay organized and focused. The sheer volume of work can be overwhelming, leading many teens to shut down. Helping them learn how to organize their work into manageable tasks can make a huge difference.
5. Are they simply overwhelmed?
The massive workload imposed on teens and tweens is enough to overwhelm even the most diligent of students. While some may be unbothered by or even welcome the extra pressure, others may feel panicked and even shut down out of fear. I’ve noticed this difference with my own two children. My oldest teenage son has proven he could handle the increasing amount of work he’s received since the start of middle school and rarely shows signs of being overwhelmed. My youngest, who just began middle school this year, has struggled with the bigger workload. This has led him to delay or avoid doing assignments, which means he has to complete a greater amount of work in a shorter time.
Another way to help teens improve their relationship with school is by identifying their learning style. Your adolescent can take an online assessment, such as this one from EducationPlanner.org, to determine what learning style is best for them. Of course, this should never place a professional evaluation, and accommodations available to your teen may vary.
You may also like to read: 9 of the Best Homework Apps For Teens To Help Them Succeed In School
Accept That School May Not Be Right for Your Teen
A traditional academic career isn’t the best path for all teens, and thankfully, alternative programs exist that can help them thrive. If you find that, after accounting for all other factors, your teen is still unmotivated by traditional school, it may be time to take advantage of other programs available to them. Alternative options include homeschooling, online school enrollment, where your teen can work more independently, or withdrawing from high school and committing to taking the GED. Parents should note that GED requirements vary by state, and in most cases, teens must be at least 16 years old to take the exam.
Altering a traditional high school path or withdrawing altogether is a major decision for your teen and should be aided with the support of guidance counselors and other experts who can ensure your teen understands their choice.
Parenting teens and tweens is a tough job, but you’re not alone. These posts might help:
Setting These 3 Boundaries Improved Everything with My Teens
Open Letter to Parents Who Feel Their Teens Slipping Away
100+ Awesome Gift Ideas For Teen Boys for 2025
More Than 100 of the Best Ever Gift Ideas for Middle Schoolers
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When you are in the thick of raising teens and tweens, we recommend Loving Hard When They’re Hard to Love by Whitney Fleming. In Loving Hard When They’re Hard to Love, blogger Whitney Fleming shares her favorite essays about raising three teenagers in today’s chaotic world. Written from the perspective of a fellow parent, each story will leave you with tears in your eyes and hope in your heart because someone else is saying exactly what’s been going through your mind.
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