Dear Son At College, That’s Not My Job Anymore

Dear Son,

I don’t tuck you in at night or wake you up in the morning.

I don’t ask you how your day was each afternoon when you get home.

I don’t drive you to school or sports practices or games.  

I don’t wash and fold your clothes and put them away.

That’s not my job anymore.

I don’t stay up late helping you study.

I don’t pack your lunch or make you dinner.

I don’t nag you to clean up your room or shut the door so I don’t have to deal with looking at it.

I don’t stay awake until you get home at night.

That’s not my job anymore.

I don’t spend every weekend sitting on the sidelines of some kind of field. (You may also like to read: It’s Hard to Imagine What Your Life Will Look Like After Youth Sports Ends)

I don’t constantly remind you not to forget your homework, your appointments or to feed the dog.

I don’t check your temperature and watch over when you are sick.

I don’t give you a hug and tell you “I Love You” each day when you walk out the door.

That’s not my job anymore.

The transition to college is not just about you. It’s for me, too.

But just because you no longer live at home year-round doesn’t mean I stop being your mom. You will always be my child and there are things I just will never stop doing.

I do still care.

I do still wonder what is going on in your life each day.

I do still think about you every night before I go to bed. Sometimes I’ll even send you a good night text.

I do still drive to drop off care packages for you at the post office.

I do still make sure you have laundry detergent and that occasionally you wash your sheets.

I do still listen on the phone when you call to talk about your classes and encourage you when they feel overwhelming and hard.

I do still bake you chocolate chip cookies, your favorite, anytime you are home.

I do still shut the door to your room, but now because it just reminds me you’re not there.

I do still lay awake some nights worrying if you’re okay.

I do still cheer you on in everything you do and dream.

I do still remind you not to forget to call home.

I do still send you pics of the dog, even though I’m the one who feeds her now.

I do still send you medicine and soup and anything else I can find overnight from Amazon to make you better when you are sick.

I do still sometimes whisper “I love you” into the air and hope maybe you hear me from so very far away.

All of this is still my job.

Yes, as you’ve grown older, my job description has changed.  But it hasn’t become any easier and, in some ways, it is SO much harder. (Related: The Momancholy Is Real After You Drop Your Child Off at College)

There are days that I miss you so much that I cry. There are still times that you make me so angry I wish I could yell and scream and ground you for a month.

It’s more difficult to know what to do and what to say, when your life is hard and not going the way that you want. I have had to learn that more often than not, the best thing I can do is just be there to listen and keep my mouth shut.

I try to be there for you in whatever way I can and to stay involved in your new world. But most of the time, I know that I’m on the outside looking in.

You no longer need me in the same way you did.

But none of that matters, and it is all worth every minute when I see the amazing young man you’ve become, and I get to say: yes I’m his mom, that is my job.

Getting ready to launch your teen into the world? We love this book from our friends at Grown and Flown.

Parenting teens and college age kids can be hard. Here are some popular posts that other parents found helpful:

I Know It’s Hard Now, But Your Teens Will Come Back To You

How to Embrace the Transition of Your Teens Growing Into Adults

9 things to do in the teen years for a solid relationship with your grown son

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