When I was 15, back in the Stone Age, I could not wait to get my learner’s permit. I signed up for Driver’s Education through school the first semester of my sophomore year, and counted down the days until I could get my license.

When I turned 16, I certainly didn’t have a new car waiting outside on my driveway with a fancy bow in it, but my parents did give me a 10-year-old Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciarra that my dad drove around for the last decade, and I was pumped. All I could think about was the freedom driving would give me.

My parents sat me down and explained that I would have to pay for the auto insurance and gas. If I received a ticket, it was my responsibility. And if they caught me driving stupid or drinking, they would kill me. Oh, growing up in the late 80s/90s was a weird time.

Related: Five Simple Tips for Parents to Help Your Teens Become Safe Drivers

Why do some teens no longer want to drive?

But in today’s world, many teenagers are putting off getting their license, and parents are unsure what to do next. As of 2022, just under 25 percent of 16-year-olds in the U.S. hold a driver’s license, according to data from the Federal Highway Administration (FHWA). That’s a drop of nearly 17 percent compared to 1994, when over 40 percent of 16-year-olds held a license. But we see an even bigger decline among 17-year-olds — the age at which state licensing laws allow most teens to move from the learner’s permit phase to a full driver’s license. Licensing among 17-year-olds has dropped by more than 18 percent in the past three decades, dipping under 50 percent for the first time in 2008. Today, just 43 percent of U.S. 17-year-olds have a driver’s license.

Why are some teenagers choosing not to learn how to drive?

The reasons include:

• Cost: Mandated driving programs, insurance, gas and the cost of automobiles put a major strain on family’s budgets.
• Time: Many states require professional instruction and a certain amount of hours behind the wheel. Because of academic demands, extracurricular activities, and other time commitments, it can be challenging for students to find the time to learn.
• Anxiety/Nerves: In today’s chaotic world, some teenagers just don’t feel ready or their fear is greater than the opportunity. In a recent survey from Aceable, a company offering online driving and real estate courses, 73% of California parents reported that their teens were experiencing driving anxiety. Fifty-four percent said the anxiety was intense enough to be called a phobia. (The word for fear of driving is amaxophobia, from the Greek word for carriage.)
• Options: Rid-share apps, public transportation, older siblings/friends, and more parents who work from home mean that there is often someone available to pick them up.
• Digital world: The shift in teen culture from “hang-outs” to social media means adolescents still feel connected without having to be in the same room.
• Peer Un-pressure: It’s extremely common now for a high school student not to have their license, so teens may hold back simply because their friends did.

What if you need your teenager to drive?

In my home, I had three active high schoolers simultaneously and a husband who often traveled. My kids had jobs, sports, activities, volunteer opportunities. and a million other things, and even though I worked from home, I had a full-time job that needed my focus.

I needed at least one of them to drive to get through these hectic years.

According to Elise Aronov, MSW, a clinical social worker with family practices in both New York City and New Jersey who discussed this issue in Parents Magazine, it’s okay to encourage your teen to get their license as long as there are no obstacles to prevent them from getting behind the wheel. She encourages parents to say: “But say, ‘You don’t have to drive. You can get your license and not use it right away.'”

Do you have a new driver: You may like this New Driver Cell Phone Contract and New Driver Contract

How can you encourage your teen to learn how to drive?

1. Don’t push too hard.

It is important to discuss why your teen may not want to drive and address any issues, but don’t push too hard. You don’t want to shame your teen or make them feel like there is something wrong with them that can then only further exacerbate their anxiety.

Instead, encourage them to take the written test and then let them know that you will do periodic check-ins on getting behind the wheel. Oftentimes, a “need” is what drives the desire. For example, they may find a romantic interest that sparks their interest in driving, or a job where they need a car to get to and from.

2. Slow your roll.

Because my husband lacked “patience,” I was the parent who primarily helped my three daughters earn their hours behind the wheel. One of my teens was particularly nervous to be on a road with other cars, so we drove around a large middle school parking lot for hours over a few months until she became comfortable behind the wheel. Just when I was about to give up, she finally said she was ready to drive the three miles back to our house. After that, she never looked back and is a very conscientious driver.

Kids don’t have to get their license on a certain milestone day. Instead, we need to focus on developing safe drivers who feel confident behind the wheel.

3. Talk about the opportunities driving offers

I always tell my kids it’s good to have options, and it’s great to be able to take control in a situation. Even if they don’t drive all the time, a license can help in the instance an adult is sick or they need to drive in an emergency (such as, a friend who has been drinking or who is too upset to get behind the wheel.) It can enable them to help someone in need. It can allow them to pursue a new opportunity.

It does not have to be all-or-nothing. They can have their license, yet still not use it often until they are ready.

Related: Put These 11 Things in Your Teen’s Car for Peace of Mind

4. Check out online resources.

There are many online resources, such as Driving TV on YouTube, where your teen can become familiar with what to do behind the wheel before actually getting behind the wheel. By watching these video series, your teen can become more comfortable in a more controlled setting.

5. Be a good role model

If you are someone who is always rushing, driving fast, looking at your phone in the car, or stressed, there’s a good chance that this could be impacting your teen. The best thing we can do for our teens is to model a calm, cool, and collected approach to driving. This includes wearing your seatbelt, never using your phone when the car is in motion, and not being distracted behind the wheel. It also means obeying the rules of the road.

Some experts recommend a “talk approach” starting as early as age 14. This means narrate what you’re doing to your child as you’re driving. This might sound like, “I’m putting on my turn signal early because the car behind me is close. I’m making sure I come to a full stop at the red light before turning right, and look straight and to the left before turning. I’m going to turn into the right lane, then put my blinker on immediately because we need to make a left hand turn into school in just a few blocks.”

6. Remember, there is nothing wrong with your child if they don’t want to drive.

While it may feel frustrating to you, there is no developmental milestone for driving, and it is not an indicator of your success or failure as a parent. Let your teen take the lead. Stay encouraging. Be patient. And one day, they’ll most likely surprise you and ask if you’ll drive them to get their license. Then, you’ll wish you had those days in the car back again!

What if my teen seems to have an irrational fear of driving?

Driving anxiety is relatively common in adults and teens, and it can be hard to know when to reach out to a mental health provider. A good rule of thumb is that if the symptoms of anxiety are impairing functioning in one of three areas–family, friends, school/work, it may be worth consulting a mental health professional. Also, if your adolescent complains of stomach pain before driving or shows other physical symptoms, such as sweating, hyperventilation, etc., it’s good to talk to a professional.

Are you looking for more encouragement to raise your teens and tweens?

Check out this book, You’re Not a Failure, My Teen Doesn’t Like Me Either, by the co-owner of Parenting Teens & Tweens, Whitney Fleming. It addresses the many challenges we face as parents today and how we can tackle them to have better relationships with our big kids.

Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These resources may help.

Is It More Than Just Normal Teen Anxiety? When to Seek Outside Advice

5 Must-Have Phrases Every Parent of Teens Needs to Shut Arguments Down

Location Sharing: Why Teens Love It Despite the Risks

Good News: Most U.S. Teens Are Not Drinking, Smoking or Using Marijuana

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