We all want a good relationship with our teens, but it can be tricky to find things to do together. Here are some fun activities to connect and bond with your teenagers.
As parents we are often guilty of wishing for the next stage, then we realize that this new stage of parenting is also hard and wistfully look back at the things we loved about the last one. And we get it. It can get tiresome to work to try and bond with your teens when all they do is say no and roll their eyes. But we have to keep trying.
While their ability to be independent is a big plus of parenting teens, it also can make us miss the closeness we had when they were small. But yes, while they might be on their own more these days, there are still lots of ways to bond with your teen and spend quality time together that you maybe haven’t considered before.
First, it’s important to remember what kids are going through during their teen years. Teenagers often tend to pull away from parents, seeking privacy, and choose to confide in friends rather than sharing personal details with mom and dad. They may be embarrassed to be seen with us in public. They may complain that we don’t understand or we treat them like children. Maybe there is some truth in that. Life is different from when we were teens. They are experiencing things we couldn’t even imagine.
But with a little effort, we can find ways to connect and strengthen our relationships. This may mean meeting our kids a little more than halfway and taking time to consider their interests and hobbies. Here are ten ideas that are guaranteed to create new memories and will likely offer ample opportunities for conversation and laughter, both of which lead to further connection.
10 Ways to bond with your teen
1. Learn something new – together
Find something that sounds interesting and take lessons. This can be anything from cooking classes to skydiving. When you are both newbies, there is less of a temptation to correct or accidentally appear condescending. Trying something new activates areas of our brains that can trigger “feel good” hormones, such as adrenaline and endorphins. If what we are learning is particularly challenging (or even a little dangerous), those feelings of connection are often stronger.
2. Spend the day in the kitchen
Plan to make something out of the ordinary. Consider a marathon cookie session or make homemade pasta or pierogis for the family dinner. Cooking or baking together has long been a communal endeavor and is just more fun than doing alone. Making large quantities not only gives you a way to fill your fridge (and possibly freezer) but may lead to shared memories and conversations about grandparents. It may even revive long-forgotten family traditions. If you don’t love to cook, consider having a weekly standing date to try out a local restaurant or coffee joint. Simply having a standing Taco Tuesday or Pizza Night Friday can help you bond with your teen.
3. Travel
While some parents plan a major milestone parent/child trip, even a weekend or day trip can help you and your teen know each other better. Remember that planning is often half the fun, so get your teen involved. Ask for input or even have them create an itinerary. A weekend or overnight road trip will allow you to have fun together, not to mention the added bonus of stretches of time in the car – a teen’s favorite time to open up and talk.
Related: Why Traveling with Your Teen Will Be One of the Best Parenting Decisions You Ever Make
4. Play games
You may have memories of letting your child win at a board game like Candyland or endless rounds of Monopoly, but the games popular with today’s teens are actually quite fun for grownups as well. Play is fun for everyone, and now you can be as competitive as you like, perhaps showing a side of you that your teen has not seen before. Many of these games have questions meant to test how well you know each other and can lead to interesting and sometimes deep conversations.
Related: 40 Awesome Board Games For Teens They’ll Want to Play Again and Again
5. Volunteer together
Each community has hundreds of worthy organizations and even if you wanted to, it’s impossible to make significant contributions to all. But perhaps you can give a few hours or a day here and there. Today, many high schools even mandate volunteer time as a graduation requirement. You’re likely providing transportation anyway, why not participate with them? You can help at a soup kitchen, walk shelter dogs or participate in a 5K fundraiser. (Even if you don’t actually run, training with your teen is a way to support their efforts and spend bonding time together.)
Related: 50+ Experience Gift Ideas for Teens that Won’t Make Them Roll Their Eyes
6. Be a band / Dance / Cheer / Football parent
If your teen participates in one of these or a similarly time-intensive activity (soccer, theater, and robotics come to mind), go all in. Some activities that our teens choose to participate in require a certain level of parental participation, whether it is providing funds, running concessions, behind the scenes work, or chaperoning. They likely won’t sit with you on the bus (and may not acknowledge your presence at events), but they’ll notice and appreciate your efforts and you will get a window into their world. You will learn a new language (each has their own jargon) and better understand when they enthuse about upcoming events.
Related: Ten Heartwarming Things I Learned From Volunteering at the High School Concessions Stand
7. Go for a drive, with no destination
Teens like car rides. It’s a badly-kept secret that teens will often open up and engage in conversation while you are driving (there is no pressure to maintain eye contact since you need to keep your eyes on the road). Some of my fondest memories as a teen were family car rides where we simply chose (literally) the road less traveled. We would pack a lunch or plan to eat out. If we came upon an interesting store, trail or landmark, we’d get out, explore, and enjoy the fresh air. My daughter enjoyed car rides so much, she wrote about them for her college essay.
8. Shopping trip
Going clothes shopping with your teen doesn’t have to be a painful experience. While you may need to do some cajoling, picking out clothes for each other can be an entertaining way to pass time at the mall (or a thrift store). You can “shop” for a special event, say a wedding or job interview, or try to pick out the most garish combination. Create rules: you can’t laugh or be critical, or you have to say, “You look mahhvelous” to every option. While this is sure to create giggles, you may be surprised at what they choose and maybe even find your new favorite outfit. Remember, the goal isn’t to purchase clothing as much as it is to spend some time together.
9. Join or start a book club
Many parents and teens complain that they don’t understand each other. Conversations between generations can be difficult. And few of us read as much as we say we want to. A book club forces you read more, sparks conversation, and helps you see other points of view. Harvard Business Review says they also help to “build and reinforce relationships” and make you more “comfortable and confident in professional discussions.” If you can’t find a group, round up some friends and choose books as a group or even just create a family book club. Many young adult books are considered “cross-overs” – they are popular with both adults and teens.
10. Create together
Break out the watercolors or the play dough. Cruise the craft shop aisles for inspiration. Look through magazines and Pinterest for crafty gift ideas. Be willing to get messy. My daughter once took on creating backdrops for the dance recital. She did the planning; I took her to the store for supplies and helped with the painting. Given the size of the project (a 6 foot high rendition of the New York skyline), we painted outside. It was a long and sometimes tedious process. At one point, I accidentally splashed her with paint, she protested, I laughed, things got silly, and I now have handprints that resemble a butterfly on the knee of my jeans—a lasting memory of the day.
Looking for additional resources on parenting teens? We love this book by Lisa Damour, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, available on Amazon.
Parenting teens and tweens isn’t easy, but you’re not alone. These popular posts might help you navigate this often challenging time in parenthood:
I Wasn’t Prepared for My Tween Son’s Mood Swings
Dear Parents: You Are Not a Failure-It’s Just Hard Raising Teenagers
Seven Critical Things to Know When Your Son Goes Through Puberty
8 Genius Responses For When Your Teen Is Being Lazy And Entitled (We Say in Our Head)
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