Inside this post: Many are quick to point out that we are raising an entitled generation, but we need to be careful about the label “lazy teen.” Before we rush to judgment, we need to look deeper.
We all know teens can be the worst when it comes to laziness and rude behavior, but that doesn’t mean we have to cater to their every whim or sink to their level either.
But sometimes it is hard to be an adult to a teenager.
Do you have a lazy teen?
It’s a common complaint of parents today: My teen is lazy and wants to spend all of their time in bed on their phone. They won’t help out around the house and they are not prepared for the “real world.”
But are you really the parent to a lazy teen? What if we are looking at it wrong and it’s unfair treatment of our teens? Sometimes we need to look beyond the behavior to see what it means, such as:
- Overscheduled: many teenagers have commitments from dawn until dusk. They have school, activities, sports clubs, jobs, tutoring, and other commitments that cause them to be spent by the time they arrive home.
- Brain development: We often blame their moodiness on hormones, but a lot of the time it’s also the fact that areas in their brain are not developed enough to deal with the tasks they need to manage.
- Academic stress and burnout: The amount of schoolwork many teens deal with and the pressure to get into college can overwhelm many students causing them to shut down when they are in the safety of their home.
- Lack of executive function skills: Executive function skills are the common skills that most people develop over time, such as prioritization, time management, attention, etc. Some kids develop these skills naturally, and others need more help.
- Sleep issues: Teens have a lot of distractions today, including phones and other pervasive technology that often interrupt quality sleep.
- Puberty: The most rapid changes in our bodies happen during puberty and it can have an impact on teens’ energy levels and mood. Some kids grow at a phenomenal rate during this time, and this rapid growth can impact them both physically and mentally.
- Peer pressure: A lot of research shows that starting at age 10, peers are the number one influence. This means that if an adolescent sees their friends engaging in a certain way, they are more apt to do the same.
How to handle a lazy teen? Start by digging deeper.
It’s important to point out that what can come off as lazy and entitled behavior can at times be a symptom of another issue. It might be a lack of motivation, anxiety, depression, or another teen mental health concern. If there is a sudden onset of behavior that is outside of the norm for your child, like your high-energy kid all of a sudden is withdrawn, or you see a significant change in their lifestyle, you should seek out a professional opinion from your primary care doctor or a trained mental health counselor.
It’s also crucial for parents to understand that this sort of behavior is normal during these teenage years. While it can be frustrating, it’s essential to remember to try to avoid calling your teen “lazy,” and not stereotype them into this sort of behavior.
Carl E. Pickhardt, author of Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence, says this: “Don’t do it. Don’t ever call your adolescent “lazy.” This label is more psychologically and socially loaded than most parents seem to understand. To make matters worse, the term is usually applied when they are feeling frustrated, impatient, or critical with the teenager, which only makes insulting injury from this name-calling harder to bear.”
What Pickhardt is saying is that lazy behavior is often an indicator of something else, and identifying the behavior is often an opportunity to help your child grow through it and learn valuable life skills.
It doesn’t make it any less annoying, however.
8 Ways to Deal with Entitled and Lazy Behavior from Your Teens
Sometimes, the most challenging part of parenting teens is responding to their behavior as a grown-up.
So, when we’ve hit our maximum threshold for snarky behavior, we say the first in our head but try to execute the second method.
Here are eight witty ways to blow off some steam and then disengage some of those annoying teenage behaviors that can push our buttons as parents.
When your teen asks you for food while lying on the couch watching TV
This one really gets me. Do your kids do this? Who am I, some kind of servant?
“Mom, can you heat up that leftover mac n cheese for me please?”
Or my all-time favorite: “Mom, I’m hungry. Can you make me something to eat?”
Or, when they text me with a request when they’re sitting in their room? That seems to be the battle cry of every lazy teen.
I get it. At the end of the day, we are all tired. And we all sometimes deserve some TLC.
But I already cooked dinner and cleaned up the kitchen and picked up the rest of the house, and just because I am moving past the couch does not mean I’m looking for something to do.
All I’m saying is I do not need to cater to my teen’s every request. Nope. Nada. No way.
What I want to do: Bring my kid an empty plate while doing a curtsey like a servant and say, “I’m so sorry to report that the help isn’t available at this time.”
What I actually do: “I’m in the middle of something, so it would be great if you could get it yourself.”
When your teen is not responding to your questions
This classic teen behavior happens All. The. Time. at our house. I’m not a fan, especially when it’s because of the phone.
What I want to do: Write them big lettered notes on a sheet of copy paper from my printer and stick it right in front of their faces. Maybe tape it on the TV if they are playing video games or on their computer screen if they are watching a video.
Sometimes I want to scream: “I… WAS… TALKING… TO… YOU. CAN… YOU…PLEASE… ANSWER…MY…QUESTION?”
What I actually do: This one annoys me, so I try to keep my temper in check, but I normally end up shouting, “Hey! I need your attention!” Or, “Can you put down your phone for a minute so we can address this issue together?”
When your teen won’t clean their room
The bane of nearly every parent-teen relationship is the state of their room, and there are a variety of schools of thought on this one. (You may also want to read:A Teen’s Messy Bedroom Doesn’t Mean You Are Failing as a Parent)
Some people don’t think it’s a battle worth fighting, and others feel like it’s an important part of learning responsibility and contributing to the overall household. Whatever your philosophy, make sure you talk to your kid about it before making assumptions that you are raising a lazy teen.
In my case, we found there were some deep-rooted issues when it came to my teen and cleaning her room. First, she had horrible organization skills and no concept as to how to put things in a certain order. Second, she often felt overwhelmed by the amount of stuff she had. Third, she was dealing with some significant social anxiety issues during her day that made managing her room the last thing on her mind.
It breaks my heart to think I was belittling her about the state of her room while she was battling some pretty tough issues on her own.
So, what I wanted to say was, “This room looks like a hurricane hit it. Clean it or I’m throwing everything out the window!”
I say instead: “You seem to function when your room is a little more organized. On Sunday’s I’m going to help you a bit to get started. That’s the day you need to do these three things (for us it was put stuff in the garbage, take out the garbage, and do laundry and put it away.) Whatever else you want to do is great.”
A teen’s room can provide you with a lot of insight into what is going on in their life and their psyche at the time. It’s often an opportunity to improve your unique relationship with them.
When your teen leaves a mess behind and goes to bed
I know they say that you’ll miss the mess one day, but it sure gets old sometimes.
When will they finally learn to put their plates away, their clothes away, their shoes away, their EVERYTHING away? I get so tired of reminding them and the fact that it’s a source of so much frustration for both of us.
How I want to handle this: I would love to tiptoe into their room and gently jostle them awake. Once they are looking straight at me with utter confusion and surprise, I would calmly whisper, “I’m so sorry to wake you, but you still have some things to do downstairs,” and then I would say “Oh, you missed this plate over here.” “Don’t forget your gym shoes over here.” “There’s a water bottle in the other room with your name on it.”
Most of the time, however, I try to take a holistic approach to my teen. I try to put in perspective that they had a long day, too, and at this point in their young lives they do not care about messes as much as I do. I remind myself that they might have struggled and don’t have the capacity to complete these tasks at that moment. And I do a few gratitude checks reminding myself of the good qualities they possess.
How I actually handle it: This is usually cause and effect. If they leave a mess for no reason, then they can’t go anywhere until it’s cleaned up. I try to let the bedroom go, but our family is a community, and we all need to do our share. And sometimes I clean it up, but I do tell them the next day that while I don’t mind helping, it helps me a lot too when they pick up after themselves. If they can’t do it at the time, just let me know and we can work something out. I’ve found that acknowledgment is half the battle.
When your “lazy teen” wants to sit in their room all day
This one is tough for me because my mom used to run the vacuum cleaner inside my bedroom to wake me up on a Saturday morning. While I don’t necessarily like that passive-aggressive approach, her intent wasn’t wrong. It isn’t good for anyone to mope around in their room all day, especially for teens who do not understand self-care looks like. But sometimes we all need a day of rest where we sloth around and do nothing.
That being said, I don’t like when my teens use their phones and scrolling social media to take their minds off of their problems. So I try to find a happy medium.
What I say in my head: “Boy, it must be nice to be able to sit in your room and do nothing all day!”
What I actually say: “I get that you are exhausted and want to veg out all day, but I’m concerned for your well-being. I don’t mind if you take a me-day, but I don’t want you to spend it all on your phone. I’ll leave you alone as long as you consider doing something besides scrolling today, such as watching a movie, taking a walk, take a long bath, cook yourself a meal, do something creative, listen to a podcast, workout, etc. I’m not asking you to tell me what’s wrong, but it’s my job to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”
When your teen doesn’t do their schoolwork
When I took 10th grade Honors Biology, it rocked my world. It was the first time that school didn’t come easy to me. Instead of studying and working harder, I took the opposite track and checked out.
When my progress report came home with a C- on it, my parents flipped out. Both the teacher and my parents called me lazy, and to be honest, I thought I was being lazy, too. But looking back I now know that it was so much more. I had a fear of failure. I procrastinated when I didn’t know what to do. I did not have study skills.
Most kids want to do well in school, but when they don’t they shut down. It could be because of academic stress, an ineffective teacher, tough material, lack of study habits, or any number of mental health concerns.
What I’d like to do: When I find out my kids have not been keeping up with their studies, I’d like to say, “This is your only job! Focus!”
What I actually do: I try to lead with compassion and ask lots of questions. “Do you like this subject? Do you like the teacher? What do you think of the course material? Do you think a tutor would help? How can I help you with your next exam?”
When your teen does the minimum job on a chore
One time, my daughter was supposed to dust the first floor of our house before having some friends over, and she blatantly did a crappy job, missing huge sections. The silly kid missed the obvious spots I noticed immediately. I mean, if you’re going to slack off on something, at least have half a mind to try to hide your lack of effort.
Let’s be honest? Who hasn’t skirted a task before? While we don’t think this made her a lazy teen, there is a lesson to be learned here.
What I’m thinking: “Oh honey, it looks like you need much more practice at doing chores. Here are a few more to help you really work on those skills. It takes hard work and dedication to get really good at something, and I believe in you!”
What I did instead: I called my daughter down and showed her the spots she missed. She was not in the mood for a lecture, so I asked her to finish what she started before her friends came over. As a consequence, I then asked her to do the upstairs hall as well, and underscored why it’s important to do the job right the first time.
She didn’t award me Mom of the Year that day, but my house was dusted, and she understood my expectation on completing a task.
When your teen is barking orders at you to hurry up because they are going to be late
This type of entitled and expectant behavior does me in, especially considering more times than not, they are the ones keeping me waiting.
What every fiber of my being wants to do: Purposefully grab my coffee, settle into my favorite comfy chair, and open a good book. Maybe take a 30-minute shower. Or I would drop everything and run out the door, hop in the car, and leave without her. Maybe I’d go around the block and, when I returned would ask, “Why weren’t you ready to go? Now we’re late!”
What I actually do: I try not to freak out and then mention that yelling at me won’t make me move faster. And then we get there when we get there.
The end.
Do you have a lazy teen, or is it something else?
At the end of the day, while this type of behavior is annoying and frustrating, it also is often temporary. Using it as a learning opportunity to understand what your teen is going through at the time, and a teaching opportunity, as to how they can grow through it, can help improve the relationship with your teenager.
And when that doesn’t work, write those snarky responses down to get them out of your system!
Looking for a great resource on how to manage your teens/tweens challenging behavior? We love the book Parenting with Love & Logic! It’s a game-changer for how to appropriately respond and manage the relationship with your son or daughter.
Parenting teens and tweens isn’t easy. Looking for some more support and encouragement?
Signs Your Teen May Be Suffering from a Lack of Executive Functioning Skills
A Teen’s Messy Bedroom Doesn’t Mean You Are Failing as a Parent
The One Phrase You Need to Help Your Child Succeed in Middle School
Are You Tired of Your Teen Procrastinating? Here are 4 Ways To Help
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Awe i love it it’s nice to know am not alone in this…thanks for everything.
OMG love it lol so true..great job my kids are grown but can sure use it for my granddaughter lol
Laughed my as$ off – love the reality of this and that it has a goid splash of humour. Am definately going to implement some of these!
I’ve done some of these even went on strike once. Bravo, a fun article.
Cathy Nickel,
Mom and professional counsellor.
Something I needed! I am glad I am not the only one.
Thanks, it’s quite informative
Wow, I think all of these responses are playing games and coming down to the kids level. How about telling them the rules and consequences
I think its sorta funny but totally not teaching the kids in a straightforward way. I personally hate games and I think kids should just be respectful or have consequences. Period. I’d worry that this way of dealing with them is just teaching them to be passive aggressive
Omg
, this is brutal! I thought I was the only one! Love it!
I want to be u!!!!! These suggestions kept me laughing with excitement and so eager to try ALL these!THANK U!!!!
Love these!!!!
Thank you!
I love these!
One other thing I do, so my tween learns to pick up after themselves, is place their item in jail if it isn’t picked up when they go to bed.
Jail is just a laundry basket with a sign that says, “You neglected me and now I’m stuck in jail for a week!” You would be surprised how quickly they learn to keep their things protected from jail… especially when it is a school book.
My step-daughter learned this lesson and tried to “save face” in front of her teacher by blaming me. The teacher asked where her book was. She said, “My step mom won’t let me have it for a week.” Teacher says, “Oh? Why is that?”… step daughter explained about leaving her things out. I loved that the teacher backed me 100% and said, “ I like your step mom! Maybe you will take better care of important things from now on?”
Lesson learned! Then my husband (a minister) left his study bible out… my step daughter and I had a good laugh.
I thought I would love this but actually almost all responses are passive aggressive and no better in behaviour than your teens. And if they are so successful, then why is your teen asking you heat up MAC and Cheese ever again? How about saying “ no, heat your own food up” consistently and walking away. Of course you are entitled to sing in the car but snapping back “‘sorry for breathing” is such a teenager response it’s no wonder they don’t know how to act appropriately. I love snark as much as anyone else but our job as parents is to show them the behaviour you want rather than joining in the bitchy chaos
Her approach is lighthearted & gives an ALTERNATIVE of the obvious “no, do it yourself” response, which often can make the home feel more like a boot camp at times. I will NEVER understand why people choose to comment negatively…if you didn’t care for the article-quit reading & continue your scrolling. Yuck, talk about stooping to a child’s level!
Because it’s fucking siscusttng this is narcissist bullshit and should be discouraged not laughed at.
THANK YOU!!!! I was shaking my head the entire time. While some of these are funny, being condescending and sarcastic and sometimes even belittling is certainly not going to teach anything except that as a parent you are JUST as bad as the teen! Glad to see someone else sees this as I do!!!!
You are my hero! I was laughing so hard! I have experienced every one of these scenarios with my three kids. Humor (even sarcasm) takes the edge off of a frustrating situation and helps kids see the adult point of view. They’re not stupid. Sometimes I ask my kids what they would do if their kids were acting like brats and they are surprisingly strict! I’m sharing this with so many people!
My husband and I enjoyed this – this morning. Raising teens is so……..(will have to get back to you for correct adjective).
We tend to go about our teens in the same way, for fear of losing our sanity. You are far superior in your ideas. We look forward to using many of your them
This is an answer to my prayers! I have a tween who will be a teen this December and i’m at the point of pulling my hair out!
These sound more like “getting even” responses than parenting words. Discipline is important, especially with teenagers but irritating an already irritated teenager with a cutesy response or act is like throwing gas on a fire.
What example would I be setting for my rude teenager by bringing him/her an empty plate and a sarcastic waitress routine?
Exactly!
You are very funny! I hope I remember these at the appropriate moments. Thank you
I love the one about bossing their sibling around. We used to call that the “third parent in the room”. We got it a lot because our kids were 10 years apart, so they do have a sort of parent/child vibe. My response was usually “Actual PARENT right here!” Or “You know, his REAL MOM didn’t seem to mind that he was doing that”. He was actually way stricter than I was!
Love these, and I’ll try to implement then whilst trying not to lose it when dealing with my teenager.
These are hilarious and it makes me feel better that I’m not alone. Only problem is that none of these would work on my 2 teens or my tween.
Like most other parents, I struggle with all of this regularly. Especially in the past year or so. I took a firm, consistent approach and as a parent who ALSO tried this advice, I can say that I received a more positive response from my kids doing it this way.
While it may seem childish, sometimes it’s not a bad thing to get on their level. A lot of kids tune their parents out and they’re very quick to get defensive or make excuses.
While giving some of this a shot instead of my usual way of going about things, the response was mostly a smirk or a laugh paired with a “Sorry, Mom.”, and a willingness to just do what I asked.
In my opinion, this is a way better response than the usual arguments and rebuttals.
While the responses may not be mature, sometimes kids appreciate their parents being light hearted and more fun about things. Not all situations all for it but if you change things up from time to time and take a different approach, you’re likely to get a different response.
Thank you for the article! I found it to be very helpful
Love these sooo much, I have two teens and find myself using sarcasm to lighten the mood often. If I don’t I will go in sane. And my son says he’s going to be a more strict parent then I am. Can’t wait to see that
Thanks for sharing.
Love this! most of what you do I do too and they actually work..enjoyed reading this..love it!
Oh my gosh! I’m rolling in laughter visualizing all these steps with my teens! They do. The. Exact. Same. Things! I thought it was just my teens! Ha I can’t wait to try these techniques!
Thanks for the ideas! My daughter recently turned 15 and it all is just starting…l thought I was gonna get off easy. Turns out, she’s just a late bloomer. I’m tired of repeating myself and feeling like I’m just being an annoying mom. I will try to implement the silly sarcasm sometimes and try some of these that apply. (Her brother is only 18 months).
How tiresome it would be to carry on like that with your kids all the time. I have two teens and a pre-teen. Let me save you time…spare the theatrics and when they are being rude, inconsiderate, or entitled, tell them “Hey, you’re being rude, inconsiderate, or who do you think you are?” And then send them to their room where their bad attitude is no longer a burden on the rest of the family. It works. My kids are very mindful of their attitude because their straight shooting mom doesn’t beat around the bush.
Hi, I have a 17 1/2 year old who sleeps all day, doesn’t work (cannot find work) and thinks this is perfectly fine. We argue every day… especially since she graduated.
How do I get her motivated to look for work or to go back to school?
She wants to move out fast but knows she needs a job first.
The frustration lies within her sleeping all day until 2 or 3 and that’s okay for her but not for me.
We have been arguing so much that I just want her leave… sad… but I see no other way she will learn except the hard way.
This list is funny! And I’m sure that you’re on a much more even level of sanity bc of it. Parenting is hard, being a kid is hard, but sometimes throwing it back to them shows them how ridiculous they’re acting or sounding. Have fun, we’re all learning this together and there’s no right way, or perfect way to parent.
Agreed!
Oh my goodness! This is amazeballs! Thank you for the advise! I will definitely be using these.
Love this! Thank you so much for sharing! I’m a single mom of three tween/teen boys and I find myself angry and exhausted daily. Sometimes I sit in my garage for awhile before I head into the house because I feel like I’m walking into my second job. I’m definitely going to try these responses.
I am 50 with two teens. I still remember how well it worked when my dad woke me up as a teen to go pick up the dishes I left in the living room. He was very nice and kind. I never forgot again!
Can’t agree with you more! My son’s do not treat me with disregard, because I thought them to respect me, by showing them the same. This mad me think she’s the one with the attitude problem.
Good parenting tips but nothing works with my teenage girl. I am so frustrated.
My daughter won’t go to bed early or get out of bed, she is often late for school, she falls asleep during class, sleeps in the evenings and therefore can’t have dinner with me. We sent her to a sleep specialist but she won’t do what the therapist tells her to do. When I tried to get her up, she told me to leave the room repeatedly.
She will tidy up her room once a week so the cups, plates, rubbish and clothes are everywhere during the week. I have given up the no eating in the room rules.
She has a part time job at fast food outlet and pays for her own phone, data, movie subscription, Uber trips and most of her expenses. She would have some fast food at work so she is not relying on home cook meals. When I am not home to cook, she orders via Uber eats.
I tried both soft and hard approaches. Incentives or disincentives have no effects. Affection & quality time are not welcome. She rather stays in her room all day with her phone on social media and movies. Humour doesn’t work. Getting a smile out of her is hard work. Nothing seems to work.
I don’t find parenthood enjoyable. It does my head in. I can’t wait for her to grow up and become independent.
Out-witting a child isn’t ‘genius’. Raising teens can be frustrating to say the least but I wonder whether this is about asserting boundaries and being clear about what is expected of them, or whether it is more about having a moment of one-upmanship?
They may be funny, but not the best. Sure yes some teens may be entitled and rude, but this will just come off as annoying to them. Plus, if you were I. Their shoes you wouldn’t like it
Love the fantasy responses. The only issue is my kids don’t want to leave the house and/or their rooms so many of the suggested “punishments” would be a treat for them.
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