7 Ways To Help Your Child More Easily Transition To Middle School

Inside:The transition to middle school is rarely easy, but here is what you can do now to get your tween get ready for middle school success

I have to admit, I dreaded the approach of middle school for both my kids.

Most of us know the middle school years are the worst and we have our own bad experiences that only reinforce that belief.

Kids transitioning from childhood into the teen years are awkward, hormonal, and insecure, and this seems to create a whole unique set of challenges during this parenting stage.

In addition, it is just a really big jump in terms of development and expectations. As they reach middle school, they will have more complicated schedules, more homework, more complex social issues to navigate and of course the onset of puberty to contend with that just throws a whole other wild card into the mix.

While all of this may make us as parents feel like our kids need us more, it really is time for parents to step back and let their preteens start working on their independence.

Starting Middle School Is A Tricky Balance For Tweens and Parents

Figuring out what our new middle schooler needs to succeed isn’t always clear, but there are definitely some key things to keep in mind.

They need skills that take time to develop.

They need emotional strength to deal with the new challenges and pressures.

They need things that go beyond just helping them succeed in school and actually begin to prepare them for life, because adulting is hard.

The role you as a parent play in all of this isn’t always clear, and it definitely requires patience, empathy, and sometimes a little tough love. It can be so hard to watch your kid struggle, but it can be so rewarding to see how they learn to overcome obstacles on their own and the confidence that builds.

However, that doesn’t mean they won’t still need you or that there aren’t ways that you can help and support them during this big move from elementary to middle school.

Having gone through this twice, here are a few key lessons I’ve learned to help your child have a positive middle school experience.

7 Ways To Help Your Tween More Easily Transition to Middle School

Show Them How To Choose “Good” Friends

Through elementary school, parents engineer most of a child’s social experiences, and children have become comfortable spending time with many of the same kids over the years.

Middle school completely changes the playing field.

Typically, it combines several elementary schools and introduces hundreds of new friend opportunities. Our children are learning to navigate all these new faces and personalities, and often, we, as parents, won’t have the same relationships with the families that we did in elementary school.

The drama can feel overwhelming, and you will encounter inappropriate communication, mean girl behavior, bullying, etc. because there is so many things these kids are trying to figure out while their brains and social skills are developing at varying rates.

Looking beyond the surface and finding friends with good character may not come naturally to all kids. This is why it’s so important to talk with our tweens over and over again about what makes a good friend during these middle school years.

Pointing out positive examples of character in a movie or TV shows they watch can be a great start. Ask them questions that get them thinking.

Who is the person that’s quick to respond when someone’s hurt?
Which kids are respectful to the teacher and turn assignments in on time?
Who speaks well of other people and not just themselves?

These are all jumping-off points when it comes to demonstrating good character. Then, have them apply these same questions to their new classmates, which can help them discern who has the potential to be truly good friends.

As the saying goes, “We become the company we keep.” So, when our kids surround themselves with encouraging, reliable friends, it can be a definite plus during these often awkward and self-conscious middle school years.

Encourage Healthy Risk Taking

Middle school can provide our kids with a blank slate.

This is the time for them to try new things. They’ll have tons of new clubs, sports and activities they can participate in.

Plus, this is the first time they can actually choose some of the classes they take.

Encourage your child to give something different and outside their comfort zone a chance.

They need to be willing to explore and challenge themselves, because they might just stumble on a talent or passion that could shape their future path.

When my oldest entered middle school, we kept telling her, “Be a risk-taker.” As a result, she went for things like trying out for volleyball, even though she’d never played. She didn’t make the team, but the experience was invaluable. She went through tryouts, conquered her fear of trying something she knew she may not succeed at, and dealt with the disappointment of not making it.

Once she saw that even the least desirable outcome wasn’t that bad, she was more willing and confident about taking risks. As a result, she became a student council representative, tried out for the school play, and even went on an international mission trip.

Shift Academic Accountability To Their Shoulders

If you care more about your child’s grades than they do, there’s trouble ahead.

As they are getting ready to go to middle school, this is the perfect time to allow your child to start owning their academic outcomes.

During the last part of 5th grade, start pulling back from the consistent reminders to study for tests and complete homework.

Have them figure out how to balance their school work with their outside activities and begin to learn the important lesson of putting first things first.

Also, put them in charge of coming to you to ask for help with an assignment or to study for an exam. And, if they don’t know why they got a certain grade on a paper or they disagree with a punishment they received, have them be the one to go to their teacher.

You want to shift taking the initiative for their academic success from your shoulders to theirs and help them begin to understand the importance of self-advocacy. It’s also a good time to talk about goal-setting, organizational skills, and self-advocacy.

Let Them Fail

Building off the last point….

Middle school is the time when our children need to rely on us less and learn to be more responsible for themselves.

It’s common for parents to want to fix things for their kids. When they are little, our default mechanism is often to help or rescue them. But consistently saving the day doesn’t allow our kids to experience the natural consequences of their actions.

If they regularly forget homework, shinguards, or lunch money, then it’s time for them to face the uncomfortable outcomes that result from this lack of personal accountability.

Receiving a zero on an assignment or being benched for soccer practice isn’t going to keep your child from a bright future, but relying on mom to cover mistakes on a regular basis will.

Kids in middle school need to feel the full weight of their actions while the stakes aren’t as high. At some point, everyone’s choices catch up to them, and it’s an easier to recover in 5th grade and into middle school than 11th grade.

Get Them Organized

Middle school is a whole new world of changing classes and block schedules. A block schedule means that they alternate classes on odd and even days.

This is a huge departure from elementary school, where students manage 1-2 teachers at most and have the same routine each day.

Now they’ll have approximately ten classes with ten different instructors and will have to keep track of which ones are on what day, what homework assignments are due, and when they have quizzes and tests X 10!!

Knowing how to use a calendar and keep a schedule is going to be essential.

Many schools these days provide calendars for students, even those in elementary school, so your child might already have a jump on this. But if one isn’t supplied, you want to get your 5th grader one. It can be paper, a wall calendar they hang in their room, or digital if they have a cell phone—whatever works!

Start having them enter important assignment dates, like book reports and tests. Additionally, make sure they record their extracurricular activities and special events, like birthdays, vacations or appointments. This will get them in the habit of maintaining their own schedules and staying on top of their academic and social commitments.

Beyond managing a schedule, your child will also have to begin keeping track of all their textbooks, supplies, personal items, and sometimes even a computer as they move from one class to another. If you’ve been the one loading and unloading your 5th grader’s backpack each day, going through their school folders, and cleaning out any trash, it’s time to turn that over to them. They are smart and capable; give them the chance to prove it.

Bonus Tip:

When getting a backpack and school supplies for middle school, you may want to emphasize function over fashion. If possible, look for backpacks that will allow them to compartmentalize items by class. Consider getting supplies color-coded by class so that when they look into their locker or backpack, they know what folder and notebook they need.

Teach Them Time Management

Now, giving your 5th grader a calendar lets them keep track of their school and social activities, but it doesn’t teach them how to balance all those different activities. That is the art of time management, and as they head into middle school, it is the ideal time for them to begin working on this skill.

You can help them by pulling back from constantly managing your child’s after-school hours and allowing that time to be more self-directed. Keep in mind that they may not choose to do things in the same order you would, and that is okay as long as what needs to get done is getting done to expectations and on time.

For example, during elementary school, my son arrived home each day at about 2:30 in the afternoon and knew we had to leave at 5:00 for baseball. In those 2.5 hours, he needed to have his homework and chores completed, have a snack and get dressed for practice.

When he was younger, I dictated the order in which those events happened. By the middle of 5th grade, he was choosing how to fit in outside playtime with the neighbor kids and his responsibilities before baseball. Yes, there were occasions he messed up, but overall, he figured out that taking care of the have-to’s first actually left more time for the want-to’s.

Middle school brought juggling more teachers, projects, and activities than ever before, so figuring out how to budget his free time to keep up with responsibilities was an essential component in his success.

Another key for this skill: a watch.

We adults are reliant on our phones to keep time, but many of our kids, even in middle school, don’t have phones. When my son requested an expensive activity tracker in 5th grade, I was reluctant to shell out the money, convinced he’d misplace it or not appreciate its value, but I was wrong. A year later, he’s still rocking an intact activity tracker and has a far better concept of time. Win-win!

Now, your 5th grader doesn’t need a fancy FitBit, but getting them to start being more aware of time and where they have to be when will pay off as they head to middle school.

Take Advantage of Orientation Opportunities

Many schools offer programs that serve as additional orientation experiences to help make the transition to middle school less overwhelming.

These programs usually provide incoming students with a chance to receive their schedule early, visit with their future teachers, and learn where their classrooms will be and other important places like the cafeteria, gym, and bathrooms.

In our school district, it’s held a few days before the start of the school term and is limited to the first 100 students. So, be sure to check your child’s middle school website or call the office for more information.

There also can sometimes be events for families before school starts like a picnic or summer camps and classes for students.

These can all be terrific ways for your child to get more comfortable with their new school and to meet their future classmates. It also means there are sure to be a few familiar faces to greet them in the hallway on that daunting first day.

The transition to middle school can feel overwhelming for your child (and you). But by starting to prepare them now, you can help them develop the skills they will need to be successful and make the most of their middle school experience.