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If you’re a mom to big kids, you’ve probably noticed a few changes about the back-to-school season. That first day of school may not hold the same magic it did, now that your tiny, joyful children have grown into grumpy teens who slept until noon most days this summer. But middle school students are still kids—they still have first day anxiety, they’re still excited to see their friends, and they still want to nail the ultimate “preppy” first day fit. Apparently the goal is to have “ate” but not have “pick-me energy”… or something.
A new school year brings lots of changes for all kids—teens and tweens included. They’ll learn six sets of classroom rules now, instead of one. They’ll have a new set of teachers throwing different rules and expectations at them. And they’ll all of a sudden start seeing some of their childhood besties from the neighborhood in a whole new way.
Middle schoolers need our patience as we continue to cart them to and from 9000 school activities (there’s a few years left before they start driving!) but hold on to those car ride moments, parents. This time is fleeting. And when your middle schooler says, “Bruh, drop me off here so my friends don’t see you,” try to not get offended. By high school, they usually come back around and are willing to be seen with you in public again.
8 Things that Have Changed When Your Middle Schooler Heads Back to School
As you prepare for middle school, anticipate changes in… well, everything. Emotions, attitude, friendship circles… Expect your tween to, at some point, switch between refusing to take showers to taking 40-minute long showers. Your grocery bill will grow. Your budget for clothes and shoes will grow. And your gas bill—yep, that’s growing too. Here are some BTS (back to school) changes you can probably anticipate as well.
1. BTS clothes
Have you taken a middle schooler shopping lately? Get ready to be broke in about 7 minutes. Gone are the days of buying shoes on sale at Target and scoring an entire Cat & Jack outfit for less than 20 bucks. These tweens and teens want Adidas joggers and Nike Blazers that have drip. And your wallet is going to feel it. Bet.
2. Hot lunch
Middle schoolers EAT (and “leave no crumbs,” apparently) and the hot lunch options are more extensive now, so say goodbye to paying a couple bucks for 6 chicken nuggets and a fruit cup. If you don’t lay down parameters, your kid might roll up to the checkout with 3 pieces of pizza, a full club sandwich, 2 ice creams, and an Izze. And you’re the one paying for it.
3. Cubbies are out, lockers are in
And that means learning locker combinations, but also, experiencing the excitement of locker decorating. You might be asked to buy “locker shelves” as well as magnetic mirrors, stickers, and anything else their friends are getting to make sure their lockers have all the riz.
4. The phone battle
Remember 2nd grade, when having to take turns on the swings at recess was the biggest drama? The good old days! (Sob). By the middle school years, conflicts have changed, and they usually revolve around the small device in our kids’ pockets. At my kids’ school, phones aren’t allowed throughout the the day and are expected to stay in the locker (a rule I’m a big fan of, personally). But you know there are kids who will try this rule—and your child might be one of them. So get ready to have your phone-wielding middle schooler test the limits (whatever they may be), which is likely to result in an email or phone call to you. UGH.
Related: 6 Ways to Foster Healthy Phone Habits with Teens
5. The coveted BTS pic
You’re lucky if you get a first day snap of your middle schooler (although they probably already took a million of their own selfies, so maybe try to score one of those?) And if you do somehow convince them to stand on the porch that morning for a second or two, they probably won’t smile or take their earbuds out. And they’re 1000% not holding that cute sign they used to love that shared their favorite color and what they wanted to be when they grew up.
However, despite your frustration with their stubborn attitude, you will still see that tiny kindergartener with a Paw Patrol backpack standing there, and your mom-heart will feel a pang of sadness as you wonder how all these years went by so fast.
6. The new drop off procedure
If you drop your middle schooler off at school, your tween or teen will likely expect you to be as invisible as possible. You can think back with nostalgia at how your little ones used to hug you goodbye and skip off, yelling, “Bye Mommy!” and you should hold on to those happy memories. Let them get you through the pain of the middle school drop off, because that ship has sailed. As you roll up to school, do NOT expect a look back or a goodbye. Your existence is an embarrassment and to be seen getting out of your car is literal pain for your child. If you so much as utter a sound in their general direction, apparently, they will turn to dust. On God.
7. School supplies
Okay, it’s not ALL different. Your kids will still need pencils. The teachers will still ask for (and 100% deserve) help with things like hand sanitizer, Clorox wipes, and tissues. However, if it used to annoy you when you were asked to purchase 30 glue sticks, guess what? You don’t anymore! Now you need to purchase headphones and a graphing calculator, which together, cost roughly the cost of 1100 glue sticks! Yay.
8. The morning wakeup call
Oh, the pitter-patter of little feet scampering into your room, dragging you out of bed… what a magical time (even though it didn’t always seem magical back then). Well, those days are in the past and now you’ll likely be dragging your teen out of bed on the first day (and all the school days after that, forever and ever, amen).
You might try to start instilling some independence at this point and encourage them to set their own alarm. Please remember, however, that this is a trial run. A probationary period if you will. (What I’m saying is, you still need to go in there, shake them awake, point at their alarm and ask, “Did you sleep through it?!” because that’s exactly what they did).
And the rest of the morning will go as expected—they’ll move too slowly, you’ll have 7 minutes to get to school (it’s an 8 minute drive) and there will be a lot of… tension. Godspeed.
So What Hasn’t Changed about Middle School BTS?
Whether they want to admit it or not, I’d bet that most middle schoolers are excited about going back to school. They’ll get to see their friends with more regularity, and, they may not know this, but their adolescent bodies do better with a structured routine. Also, you can’t tell me that a 13-year-old wanting to wear their brand new hoodie on the first when day when it’s 82 degrees outside isn’t at least a little bit jazzed about BTS.
Also, now, more than ever, your child probably needs a little reassurance (a.k.a. you might need to “gas them up”). Starting middle school can be nerve-wracking. The building is new, the schedule is new, and their hormonal bodies are doing all sorts of things they have no control over. Stressing about making it to math class before the bell while also worrying if you got your period can be a lot for a kid to handle. And what about the overwhelming lunch line? Or if their locker won’t open? Or if that jerk kid from 5th grade that they haven’t had to think about all summer is in their 1st hour class?
Related: 5 Helpful Ways to Guide Tweens Through a Friendship Ending
So remember, if you’re simultaneously elated that your teens and tweens are going back to school and sad that another summer has passed and time is slipping by faster than your emotions can manage, keep in mind that your kids are feeling it too. BTS for middle schoolers can be riddled with pressure to fit in and adapt to ever-changing social circles. They’re bidding farewell to their summer too and feeling themselves launched back into school life and everything that comes with it—the tiredness, the overwhelm, the anxiety.
Don’t expect much (if anything) from your middle schoolers that first week of school as they adjust to a whole new world full of skibidi (an overwhelming amount of skibidi, in fact). Offer a hug, accept when they decline, provide snacks, and set your alarm. You’ll both get through this. For real for real you will.
Looking for an additional resource to help you navigate the middle school years?
Parenting teens and tweens is a tough job, but you’re not alone. These posts might help:
The Ultimate Parent Resource Guide For Teen Tech Use, Social Media and Safety
Teaching My Kids What True Friendship Looks Like is a Hard, but Valuable Life Lesson
The One Phrase You Need to Help Your Child Succeed in Middle School
Why Seventh Grade Sucks the Most for Tweens and Their Parents
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Oh my gosh! That was hilarious and so true!