This is a contributed piece by Valli Gideons, author of Through the Fog: Navigating life’s challenges while raising kids with hearing loss
Parents of daughters who play basketball, we see the game differently.
It is so much more than the L’s & W’s, points, rebounds, or assists.
It is often the intangibles that make the game so sweet.
My daughter picked up a basketball before she entered Kindergarten. We had a full-size goal in the front yard that her older brother received at Christmas, and she spent countless hours attempting to heave the ball into the net. Even when her tiny arms would fatigue and turn into noodles, she wouldn’t stop trying.
Finally, after endless hours spent shooting on the driveway: SWISH!
The rest was history.
Sports like basketball can help develop self-confidence in young girls
She joined an all-boys team at the local YMCA. Her defense was like bubblegum on the bottom of a shoe; she was not intimidated by her opponents.
I am sure all the pick-up games against her older brother, who never showed her mercy, only added to her toughness.
She later joined a club league, and once again played on a team made up of mostly boys because there weren’t competitive options for girls her age yet.
She quickly earned the nickname “The Fighter,” playing with unabashed joy and determination. Finally, by middle school, competitive girl’s teams were forming and those leagues began to soar.
Today, as a junior in high school whose team made school history by competing in back-to-back trips to the California Interscholastic Federation (CIF) championship, it’s not her stats that stand out (albeit setting the school record for most career 3’s and on her way to breaking the 1K point mark is something we’re proud of.) It’s that her teammates are like sisters and their chemistry is a large part of why they have had success.
You may also like to read: We Need to Bring Back Rec Sports–Why This Mom’s TikTok Went Viral
When sports is done right, it can bring out a young person’s best
The game of basketball has been a vehicle to shape, strengthen, and reveal her character.
Playing basketball is teaching her:
1. Resiliency–Never give up.
Even when the team is down with seconds to go, if you fight until the final buzzer, sometimes it goes your way. The hungriest team often wins. And, some of the best moments occur in the last minutes of a close game.
2. Mental toughness
The body will do what the mind will let it. If you believe you *can* you are often correct; If you think you can’t, you are also correct. (You may also like to read: Competitive Youth Sports Means Crazy Schedules But Great Life Lessons)
3. Teamwork
Getting an assist is as important as scoring. Sometimes the “one-more” is the better shot. Learning when to pass and when to shoot is a sign an athlete is developing a high game IQ.
4. It’s not just about scoring points.
Defense is king in basketball. Help-side, steals, blocks… If you know, you know. Protect your team at all costs.
5. Strength is beauty.
Playing with passion makes you beautifully strong. Learning a balance of grace and grit takes time. Champions do both.
6. Character counts.
When the game is over, leave it on the court. Competing should not stop you from shaking hands and congratulating the other team. When you win, don’t boast. When you lose, don’t make excuses. Always thank your parents, coaches, and referees.
7. No one comes before the team.
Everyone has a job. No ONE person wins or loses a game. Each player has a job. Together, teams are victorious. Defeats are collectively shared. Sports are partly about self-improvement, but individuals don’t make the team. Aristotle said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” The most important thing you can do is be a good teammate. If you see a chin turned down, reach your hand out. Encourage. Cheer from the bench!
There is a significant distinction between confidence and arrogance. Learn the difference. Practice humility.
8. The best lessons often come from losing
There is a lot to learn from losing. Sometimes the most significant growth comes in defeat. Swallow your pride and look for the lesson. If you make a mistake, own it, learn from it, and move on.
9. Be coachable.
Coaches want to bring out the best in their players. Even if you don’t agree, he/she is the captain trusted to steer the ship. Let them do their job.
10. It is a game.
Life is short. For most, competitive sports are fleeting. Enjoy the process. And always remember, it’s a game and is supposed to be fun.
In the end, playing basketball has been a way for my daughter to develop skills that will carry through in life. The trophies will sit on dusty shelves, but the memories and lessons will last a lifetime.
I am grateful to have a front-row seat!
Are you in the thick of raising your tweens and teens? You may like this book by Whitney Fleming, the co-owner of Parenting Teens & Tweens: Loving Hard When They’re Hard to Love: Essays about Raising Teens in Today’s Complex, Chaotic World.
Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These posts can help:
It’s Hard to Imagine What Your Life Will Look Like After Youth Sports Ends
My Days as a Sports Parent Are Exhausting But Worth It
How to Help Your Teen Develop Leadership Skills Using Empathy
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