Inside this post: It’s no surprise that today’s teenagers are struggling with real-life communication, but that doesn’t mean we can’t help. Here are a few basic tips to help develop communication skills for teens.
As a parent of two teen boys, I see firsthand the problem that many raising teenagers today are experiencing: a lack of practical experience, confidence, and skills to have “real” conversations.
It’s not surprising. According to a study published in JAMA Pediatrics, screen time outside of virtual school among teenagers doubled from pre-pandemic estimates of 3.8 hours per day to 7.7 hours.
Additionally, in the app-age where you can order anything straight from your smart phone, most teenagers don’t even think they need basic conversation skills, and in fact, get anxious when they have to actually speak to someone.
Simple scenarios such as calling in a take out order, setting up a doctor’s appointment, or asking for directions can cripple a teen today, and many would rather avoid the scenario completely rather than actually having to talk in-person to someone.
But the ability to communicate in person with clarity and confidence, regardless of the situation is a necessary life skill, and in today’s world can even offer your child a competitive advantage. It can also give a parent some peace of mind. Your child will still need to learn how to interview for a job, may need to share their story to a school admissions officer, or even advocate for themselves with a doctor or other health care provider.
How do you build communication skills for teens?
Many people call these essential skills we need to interact with others soft skills.
What exactly are “soft skills?” They basically include all the ways in which we communicate and engage with other people as well as the character traits that enable someone to navigate their world and meet goals in an effective way. Some people simply call it common sense, but it’s a little more than that.
It’s never too late to start building sound communication skills. Some people think we are born with these skills, but that’s not true. We can nurture them in our kids.
In essence, people learn communications skills by doing. When you are having actual conversations with someone, either via phone or face-to-face, you receive instant feedback and can adjust accordingly.
By receiving responses from another person, you can quickly learn if how you are presenting the infromation is appropriate. Are you speaking loud enough, are you offensive, are you expressing your thoughts clearly. Other pe’s reactions, emotions, social and non-verbal cues give us insight into how the interaction is going, and how to do better the next time.
So, what we’re saying is that in today’s world, parents may need to push their teenagers to sharpen their communications skills. That may mean role-playing an interview, forcing them to make their own appointments, or pushing them to have a meeting instead of sending a text.
8 Tips to Building Communication Skills for Teens
Here are some basic tips and guidelines you can help your teen implement to improve their communication skills today.
1. Sometimes it’s better to pick up the phone. Encourage your teen to pick up the phone, especially if they find that they have a lot to say or explaining. Instead of sending an email, snapchat or IM over Instagram, call the person instead. If they feel weird about it, encourage them to send a text first that says, “This is too much for a text, can I call you real quick?”
Social media is okay for loose connections, but sometimes it is easier to communicate what you have to say verbally. It also allows for the natural give and take of a two-way conversation and alleviates any unnecessary drama that social media or texting creates (things get out twisted out of context too easily!) And remember, if you are upset, angry, or emotional, give yourself the time to relax and get grounded before you do anything.
2. Think before you speak. Most people get uncomfortable with an awkward silence but remind your teen that It’s okay to pause before you speak, not rushing to say the first thing that comes to mind. Teach them to take a moment and pay close attention to what you say and how you say it. This one habit will allow you to avoid so much embarrassment and regret. Many times, it’s important to recognize that there is a time and a place for every conversation. It’s a good adage for parenting teens as well.
3. Listen more, talk less. Don’t we all want to feel heard and understood? A huge part of becoming a great communicator often comes down to listening, and it can bhe the most important of the communication skills for teens. Encourage your teen to really listen to what the other person is saying, instead of formulating your response and interrupting. It’s important as parents that we model this as well.
During every conversation you have, the person you’re speaking with should be the most important person at that moment. Instead of responding with a story of your own, learn how to be curious and ask probing questions. Asking a good question is the best way to show someone you are listening and interested.
4. Know your audience. This is so important in the age of social media and texting. Who you are talking to matters. It’s okay to use acronyms and informal language when you are communicating with a buddy, but remind your teen that when they are emailing or texting a teacher, tutor, or coach, “Hey,” “TTYL” or any informal language has no place in the message. Teens need to understand that they cannot assume that the other person knows what the acronym or other trendy language means. Also, some acronyms have different meanings to different people, and you don’t want to be misunderstood. Target your message based on who you are speaking to, and try to keep the other person in mind when you are trying to get your message across.
5. Body language matters. This is important for face-to-face conversations of any type. Encourage your teen to practice introducing themselves in a mirror so they can see their body language. Show them what accessible body language means, such as not crossing their arms or hunching their shoulders. And when possible, eep eye contact so that the other person knows that you are paying attention. If on Zoom, do your best to look into the camera, not the screen, it makes a big difference. Also, no checking your phone in the middle of a conversation. If you are waiting on an important message, say “Excuse me for a second. I’m expecting a message that I need to respond to right away.”
6. Check (and double check) your messages before you hit send. There are a lot of times that communicating via email or text makes sense. Teach your teens the value of spell and grammar checking, but remind them that they are are not foolproof. Double check what you have written, to make sure that your words are communicating your intended message. If the message is contentious or emotional, encourage your teen to walk away and come back 5 minutes later to re-read it before they hit send. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, “How would I react if this were sent to me?”
A huge part of developing communication skills for teens is simply dialing back the always-on and Instant gratification of the online world. Parents need to underscore the importantance of thoughtful, meaningful interactions for our kids.
7. Get to the point. Attention spans are dwindling. For both written and verbal communication, practice being brief and to the point. This can be difficult for teenagers who are still trying to grasp how to communicate effectively, so role-playing a conversation can really help. Tell your teen to provide enough information for the other person to understand what they are trying to say. And if you are responding to an email / text, make sure that you read the entire email before crafting your response. With enough practice, they will learn not to ramble.
8. Maintain a positive attitude and smile. Okay, this is hard for adults too, but so important and it can make all the difference when your teen goes out into the real world. Encourage your teen that even when they are speaking on the phone, smile because their positive attitude will shine through, and the other person will know it. When you smile often and exude a positive attitude, people will respond positively to you. Seems like a no brainer but this simple habit is often overlooked and can make a positive impact.
While these seem simple and basic, these communication skills for teens can be a game changer for your child. Help them develop these skills and habits now so your teen can successfully navigate the conversations that will count later.
This is a contributed post by Matt Crevin, Founder of Talk Shop. Matt is a single dad with two boys living in the Seattle , WA area. He launched Talk Shop in 2020 to deliver pivotal communication skills to today’s youth. He draws from his experience in professional sports, the business world (having worked for two Fortune 500 firms) and his parenting journey, to bring tremendous insight and a fun and engaging delivery style that creates impact with today’s students.The Talk Shop mission is: To develop today’s students to communicate clearly and confidently regardless of the situation or setting. For more information on group workshops or highly customized 1:1 coaching, please feel free to contact Matt direct at: matt@talkshop.company
Raising teens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Here are some other good articles you may enjoy:
50 Simple and Useful Life Skills for Teens You Can Teach Quickly
Forty of the Most Inspiring, Heartfelt Quotes About Raising Teens
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