Last year, we took my daughter to a soccer tournament a few states away. We arrived at the field, and no one was there. Just behind us, another family showed up, also wondering if we were at the right location. While my daughter started messaging in the group text, the teen in the other car shouted through the window, “I got the address from Margot’s* Snap Map. We’re in the wrong place.”

As we rolled up our window and darted down the road to the right field, I asked my daughter if she had her location services on for SnapChat, an app I knew she used as her primary source of communication.

“I don’t, but I’m like the only one,” she said.

“Why not?” I asked. “I mean, I absolutely do not want you to do it, but why not?”

“I don’t want people to always know where I am. Someone always complains about feeling left out, or I’ve heard of people’s crazy exes showing up. But I do share my Life360 with my BFFs or I’ll drop a pin sometimes if I’m out. It makes it easier to know when they’re on the way to pick me up, or make sure they got home safe, or why they didn’t Snap me back.”

I thought this was interesting, and I wanted to know more about how teens used location sharing in their everyday lives.

Related: Here Are The Tech Rules You Need To Be Setting For Your Tweens and Teens

What is location sharing, and how is it being used

Location sharing is exactly what it says it is: when those who follow you or are connected to you via an app are allowed to see your location. It is often done through services such as SnapChat Snap Map, Find My Friends, or Life360.

According to 2022 data from The Harris Poll on behalf of The New York Times, nearly 80% of people have location sharing activated on their phones at some point, and 16% have it activated all the time. A few recent studies say that up to 94% of people use location sharing in some way.

Many single adults have professed that location sharing with a trusted circle of friends, neighbors, or relatives is an integral safety measure. If you are traveling solo, going on a blind date, or have been in a volatile relationship, this makes sense. Find My Friends can provide boundaries such as sharing location for “one hour,” “until end of day” or “indefinitely.”

Apple’s iOS 17 comes with a new safety feature called “Check In,” which allows your iPhone to automatically notify a friend that your iPhone has arrived and choose what details they can see if you don’t complete your Check-In, such as location, battery level, cell service status, and last active time will be shared with select contacts. There are also other services like these from providers such as Google, Life360, and security company ADT.

While these services sound good in theory, some privacy experts say location sharing can come with a price—especially for teens who may not be thinking about the larger ramifications.

Related: House Rules to Teach Teens to Be Safe and Respectful

Why do teens love sharing their location?

First, it’s not all bad. As parents, we often have a visceral reaction to anything tech-related because our minds always go to the dark place first, like stranger danger, stalking, and other scary behavior.

But the truth is, many teens use location sharing as a safety precaution because they care about each other. And that’s a good thing. They keep it on to find each other at a concert or a sporting event. If someone doesn’t show up where they said they would, they can find out if they are on their way or if something looks “sus” (that’s suspicious for those of you who don’t speak the lingo.) It’s a way they can find someone even if they don’t know exactly where they are, like if they have a flat tire on the side of the road or ended up at a party where they couldn’t get a ride home.

I also talked to a few teens who shared that keeping your location on for your besties also helps with social plans so they know where everyone is hanging out. It reminded me of when I was in high school and how we used to drive around to four different spots to see where everyone was congregating or where the party was that evening. It would have been nice to see where everyone was without having to drive around all night.

The reason that most touched my heart, though? It was about staying connected to someone even when you’re miles apart. One of my college-aged daughters said that when she’s feeling sad or homesick, she checks to see where her friends are and instantly feels like she’s connecting with them. Another teen said he shared his location with his girlfriend when he traveled to Japan so she could see where he was and find out more about it. That warmed my heart.

The unintended consequences of location sharing

As with everything Internet-related, it is incredibly important to teach your teens about setting and maintaining healthy boundaries regarding location sharing. What starts as a fun social opportunity can turn into a nightmare.

Invitation to drama: Recently, a mom friend shared that her daughter had a problem with another girl in her dorm. They shared their location at the beginning of the year to ensure each student got home safe, or they could find each other if they were separated at a bar or party. “It sounded good in theory,” she told me.

But then, one night, when her daughter and her roommate went to pick up ice cream, another girl texted, “Hey, thanks for inviting me!” It was awkward, but the girls explained it was a last-minute decision. The next weekend, when her daughter was at a restaurant with a friend from high school, two of the girls showed up unexpectedly. It became more and more uncomfortable. When her daughter finally turned her location off, one of the girls stormed into her dorm room and yelled at her. “I can’t believe you don’t trust me!”

It can also become problematic in romantic relationships. One high schooler recently told me that her boyfriend would freak out because her location didn’t always refresh, depending on the WiFi connection. This caused huge problems and the demise of their relationship.

Privacy concerns: Sharing our location with the world can only cause problems and put us at risk. We also cannot always feel confident that social media apps and location services are using our date in a secure way.

Peer pressure: Many teens feel pressured to share their location even if they don’t want to, simply because everyone else is doing it. Some don’t want to offend their friends by saying no, or signal that they don’t trust them. Sharing may feel easier than addressing the conflict.

FOMO: While I don’t think teens are doing this intentionally, those who have their location on all the time are often broadcasting that they were invited somewhere that others were not, or that something nefarious could be happening behind your back. It causes a lot of anxiety and worry for things that could be innocuous.

One mom told me that it caused a huge rift in her daughter’s friend group because a young girl kept lying about where she was, and she had forgotten that her Snap Map was on for everyone to see. Some of the kids were “setting her up” to get caught in a lie, and it led to a lot of horrible arguments and accusations that eventually caused school counselors to get involved because of bullying issues.

Related: Helping Teens Find their Authentic Self in the Age of Digital Distractions

What should parents discuss with their teens about location sharing?

1. Start with open communication: Ask why your teen wants to share their location and listen to their response. Ask more questions. It’s important not to immediately shut them down or tell them they are entirely wrong. Remember, we do not completely understand because we did not use technology the same growing up.
2. Discuss boundary setting. From our point of view, there is no good reason to have location sharing on for everyone at all times. Have a conversation for when it may make sense and when it might not. Come up with some guidelines and write them out if needed.
3. Explain what a trusted friend looks like and how to keep their circle small. It may feel fun to share their location with someone they hit it off with at first, but location sharing can also come with consequences. Give them phrases they can use to decline location sharing or not reciprocate. For example, “Let’s share our location for tonight, but then I set it to turn off. My parents will get on me if I have it on for too many people.” Or, only use apps with a timer, like Find My Friends. If confronted, your teen can say something like, “I’m sorry, I only location share with a few people because I had a weird issue one time, so now I keep it simple.”
4. Stay informed: It’s always good to download and try out the apps your kids are using. Better yet, ask them to show you how to use it. Continue to ask questions about privacy settings and encourage them to review who they are sharing their location with regularly.
5. Practice what you preach. If you use location sharing with your teens, do so responsibly. Don’t use it for “gotcha” moments to constantly catch your teen doing something wrong, and don’t use it to nag your child about what they aren’t doing. Instead, show them how to use it to stay connected without invading privacy.
6. If you have a tween or teen, start your tracking with a safety tool, such as Bark. If you feel it’s important to track your child’s location but don’t want to give them an app they could use to do the same with friends, we like the Bark app. Bark’s child location tracker feature allows you to keep tabs on your child’s location using real-time GPS tracking, and kids can’t use it to track their friends. With Bark, you can also block apps such as Life360 and Snapchat to ensure they aren’t sharing location with those apps.

Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These articles may help:

5 Must-Have Phrases Every Parent of Teens Needs to Shut Arguments Down

Snapchat—Why Kids Love It And What Parents Need to Know

No, Your Teen Does Not Need Their Cell Phone in School. Here’s Why

10 Sure Fire Tricks That Will Make Your Teen Stop Checking Their Phone

*no real names were used in this article

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