8 Signs It's Time for Your Teen to Quit

“Quitters never win and winners never quit.”

“If you fall off a horse, get back up.”

“Quitting is not an option.”

We’ve all heard these phrases. Most of us grew up being admonished to not quit. The message is that quitting equals failing. Quitters are weak, cowards, slackers, or shirkers.

Our family’s rule has been to follow through on commitments. Signing up for a sports team means seeing it through the season. Other people depend on our presence—quitting mid-season means the team would suffer, and that’s not fair to the others involved. (This is especially true in cases where someone else was denied a spot so they could participate.) For other activities or classes, we insisted they complete the session. Sometimes they needed time to overcome a challenge and later chose to continue rather than quit.

But as Adam Kirk Smith, author of The Bravest You points out, “When quitting is done correctly, it isn’t giving up—it’s making room for something better.” Sometimes quitting is not only acceptable but is the smartest course of action.

Talking about Quitting

If your teen tells you they want to quit an activity, resist the urge to react and instead try to find out why. What is prompting this? Have they taken on too much? Are they struggling to master a skill? Are their friends doing other things? Do they want to do something else, or are they pivoting to follow the crowd? Help them see the pros and cons (maybe make lists on paper).

If your teen is simply whining (and you can tolerate it), maybe they should be encouraged to stick it out.

However, there are some valid reasons for parents to allow—or even encourage—their children to quit youth sports, extracurricular activities, or hobbies that no longer serve them.

8 Solid Reasons For a Teen to Quit Something

1. Overloaded schedules

Many teens want to have it all. When my daughter started high school, she came home from the activity fair with about a dozen clubs she wanted to join. This was on top of commitments outside of school. I quickly pointed out that this would be impossible—some of these met at the same time!

Some teens thrive on a busy schedule. They make it look easy to participate in marching band, theater, dance, scouts, and recreational league sports, all while maintaining good grades in honors-level courses. Others are exhausted from keeping up with one of these. If your teen struggles to manage their schedule or meet their commitments, they may be trying to do too much. While parents may choose to be proactive and limit the number of activities their teens sign up for, this may be a good opportunity for them to learn to make choices and face the repercussions of choosing poorly.

Pro tip: Have your students write their schedules on a calendar whiteboard. Ensure they include sleep, family requirements, meals, and at least an hour a week of downtime. Ask them how much time per week they want to spend hanging out with friends and studying. Sometimes teens need a visual to understand the impact of their schedule.

2. Academic issues

While extracurriculars are an important part of the high school experience, academics take priority. If activities cause grades to suffer, it’s time to cut back. It’s important to underscore that grades are not the only or most important thing, but if a student cannot focus in class because they are too tired, complete assignments because they are too busy, or attend class, it may be time to reassess.

Most schools have guidelines preventing students from participating in school teams and clubs if their grades fall below a certain threshold. Most students find this sufficient motivation to maintain good grades, but sometimes, they don’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late. A particularly challenging class or an extra strenuous academic course load might mean they have to limit activities temporarily and resume when they can better manage their time.

3. Changing interests

Sometimes, interests change, and what once sparked joy now induces dread. Some students sign up for activities that look good on paper but are less interesting in reality. And sometimes, you simply won’t know you will (or won’t) enjoy until you’ve tried it. A disturbing trend is teens choosing activities based on how they will look on a college application or resume rather than what they might find interesting.

While parents may worry that repeatedly jumping from one activity to another may make a college admissions counselor question whether their teen can stick to something, longevity in at least one activity, even outside of school, such as youth groups or volunteering, shows commitment. There’s no reason to continue with an activity if it makes everyone miserable.

4. Family getting pushed to the background

While it’s normal for teens to prioritize their friends, time with family members is also important. One family I know made Sundays the family day. If sporting events were rescheduled to a Sunday due to weather, their children would not participate. While this was frustrating at times (particularly when a championship game was on the line), I had to admire their dedication.

Teens may balk at enforced family time but will likely appreciate this later. (They don’t want to eat their vegetables either.) I once insisted on a family weekend during a particularly busy year, which meant my children skipped some scheduled activities. I was met with resistance, but now, more than a decade later, my kids still talk about the fun memories from that trip.

5. Mental health concerns

No activity, event, or commitment is worth jeopardizing your teen’s mental health. If your teen is showing symptoms of anxiety, depression, or severe mood swings, you may need to act fast. Activities that trigger stress or negative emotions mean that the underlying cause needs to be evaluated and quitting may be the only good option.

Also, if an overly busy schedule leaves them no time to manage basic care, something needs to give. And finally, if your teen is the victim of bullying behavior that they can’t resolve, it’s best to remove them from the situation.

6. Impacts on physical health

While it’s certainly not something you can plan for, sometimes teens get sick. A bout of mono or Lyme can require a month or more of recovery. Many autoimmune disorders emerge suddenly, and many of these are exacerbated by stress. A sports injury can sideline an athlete for an extended period, and while they can return to the sport when healed, there are situations where it may be better not to. Even if your teen seems better, taking a break from activities (or permanently retiring) is sometimes the best option.

7. Your teen has changed, and not for the better

A post has recently been making the rounds that says a person is most influenced by five people—and for a teen, those five people aren’t necessarily their parents. They are the people your teen spends the greatest amount of time with. If your teen is picking up bad habits and becoming someone the rest of your family doesn’t enjoy being around, look at who they spend time with away from home.

Just because an activity is endorsed by the school or organized by a reputable group doesn’t mean it is good for your teen. Many community youth groups are run by volunteers with minimal oversight. Youth group leaders may miss signs of bullying (whether your child is the bully or the victim) or may be the problem themselves. Some sports teams can turn toxic. It’s important to remember that often it’s the people that make an activity fun and productive, not the activity itself.

8. To make space for something else.

When our kids are stuck in activities that they do not enjoy or are participating only out of obligation, they could be missing out on finding their purpose or passion. If we want our teens to be happy and fulfilled, they have to have the time and space to figure out what they want to get out of life. Depending on the situation, it doesn’t always make sense to insist they finish something to the end, particularly if it limits their ability to do something more constructive.

A mindset change

Today’s world is different from the one we grew up in. Our teens have pressures we couldn’t imagine at their age. Yes, sticking to commitments is important, but it’s important to look at the big picture. Will it really matter ten years from now that we allowed our teens to quit something that wasn’t serving them or that potentially doing more harm than good?

Looking for additional resources to help you navigate the teen years?

We recommend The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents by Lisa Damour. This New York Times bestseller is an urgently needed guide to help parents understand their teenagers’ intense and often fraught emotional lives—and how to support teens through this critical developmental stage.

Parenting teens and tweens is a tough job, but you’re not alone. These posts might help:

This Is Why Teen Girls Are So Mean to Their Mothers

50+ Awesome and Inspirational Quotes for Teenagers

10 Commons Battles that Will Destroy the Relationship with Your Teen

How to Help Tweens and Teens Manage Unwanted Sexual Content Online

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8 Signs It’s Time for Your Teen to Quit

Talking about Quitting