Inside: Parenting adolescents means you need to meet them where they are, not the other way around. Texting my teens was the bridge I needed to stay connected.
This is a contributed post by Tammy J. Cohen, author of Text Messages to My Sons: A Guide to Using Mobile Devices to Connect and Communicate with Your Kids
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Have you ever struggled to communicate with your teens? You’re not alone. In a world where we have more ways to connect than ever before—texts, calls, DMs, FaceTime, Zoom—it’s paradoxical how disconnected many of us still feel from the people we love most.
According to research, the average person checks their phone every 12 minutes, roughly 80-100 times per day. For Gen Z Americans, this amounts to about 7 hours a day, and over 50% report feeling addicted to their phones. And for those of us parenting older children or young adults, in-person conversations can become even rarer and more challenging. Their lives are busier, their attention is divided, and, let’s face it, they’re often more comfortable communicating through screens than across the dinner table.
That’s when it hit me: If I wanted to reach my sons in a meaningful way and stay connected during these teen years, I had to meet them where they already were—on their phones.
So I turned to a tool we all use every day: texting.
Related: 8 Tips to Help Your Teen Communicate More Effectively in Today’s Digital World
Texting my teens as a Bridge
Let me be clear: I don’t text my sons to nag them, remind them to pick up groceries, or ask why they haven’t called. I text them to connect. To say, “I see you. I believe in you. I love you.” I text them to share wisdom, express gratitude, offer inspiration, and convey messages of accountability and resilience.
The shift began when I asked myself what kind of relationship I wanted to have with my sons. I didn’t want to be another notification they ignored. I wanted to be someone they looked forward to hearing from—even if it was just a brief message in the middle of a hectic day.
Let’s be honest: those long, heart-to-heart conversations don’t always happen, at least not when we expect them to. But a thoughtful text? That’s a conversation starter. It’s a door left open. It’s a small act that says, “I’m thinking of you,” without needing anything in return.
Related: The Best Way To Have An Actual Conversation With Your Teen
No Expectations, Just Authenticity
That’s one of the most essential parts of this practice: I send these messages with no expectations. Whether or not they respond isn’t the point. I’m not looking for a dialogue; I’m planting seeds.
The key is to connect consistently, to show up in their lives in a meaningful way—one message at a time. And when they do respond (and they often do), the messages are heartfelt and profound. But even when they don’t, I know the words are being seen, felt, and internalized.
There’s also something powerful about the energy behind these messages. Sending love and gratitude daily isn’t just for them—it shifts me, too. That consistent act of reaching out in kindness, compassion, and encouragement reinforces the kind of parent—and person—I strive to be.
Related: Heart-Centered Parenting Can Help You Navigate the Tricky Teen Years
4 Tips for Parents Who Want to Try Texting With Heart
- Start with love, not logistics.
Instead of texting my teens, “Did you get the thing I sent you?” send “Thinking of you today—hope you’re proud of how far you’ve come.”
- Be consistent.
Whether it’s every morning or once a week, make it a rhythm they can count on.
- Don’t text for the reply.
The message is the gift. You’re not trying to start a conversation—you’re holding a connection.
- Make it personal.
Share a memory, an inside joke, or even their favorite meme. Let them be seen.
Why Texting Works
Because it’s fast. It’s familiar. It’s already in our hands.
Texting allows you to slip past the noise to deliver something small but meaningful—a pause, a reminder that we’re here and we love them.
And in a world where so much of what we see and share online is negative, performative, or clickbait, sending an authentic, heartfelt message—without expecting a reply—can be a radical act of love.
I’m not saying texting is the only way. But for me, it’s become a mindful, daily ritual that reminds me of what truly matters. It’s helped me evolve as a parent and as a person. It’s deepened my relationship with my sons, which is what matters most.
So if you’re wondering how to reconnect or stay close as your child grows more independent, try this: send one message. From the heart. No agenda.
Just write a message. And then another and another. You may have your own book of texts one day as well.
Are you looking for more information on how to start texting to connect with your teens?
If you do not know where to begin, Text Messages to My Sons: A Guide to Using Mobile Devices to Connect and Communicate with Your Kids has over 210 pages of messages that you can tweak and make your own. Though the book is deeply personal, its messages are universal. They explore themes that we all grapple with: mindfulness, purpose, family, growth, leadership, and love. Drawing from wisdom passed down through generations and inspired by visionary thinkers, the messages offer something for every reader, parent or not.
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