Sometimes the most intense hurt and deepest pain can be softened by a simple hug. That is what I felt last night, in the kitchen, when my youngest son came up to me and wrapped his 11-year-old arms around my middle and enveloped me in the most heartfelt, comforting, loving embrace I had felt in days.
It was a typical Tuesday afternoon. Nothing monumental. My oldest son, a teenager, was in a mood after school, due to the recent tightening of his braces, which led to subsequent mouth pain and the inability to ingest his most desirable food. He was in pain, tired, and overwhelmed with school—a deadly combination fit for a teenage tantrum if ever there was one. Words were said, doors were slammed, and eyes were rolled, followed by the most deafening sound a mother knows…..that of sheer silence.
The Roller Coaster of Angsty Teen Emotions
I stood in the kitchen, shaking my head and wondering what on earth had just happened. These outbursts of frustration are fairly commonplace in our home these days. I know, reading other mothers’ accounts of life with pre-teens and teenagers, that they are perfectly normal. However, that comfort does not make them any less heartbreaking in the moment, or in the aftermath. The angst I feel from my oldest as he traverses the rocky journey of daily becoming more of a man and less of a young boy is palpable. It is soul-crushing for a single mother who feels helpless when it comes to teenage boys and the physical, mental, and emotional changes they experience day in and day out at warp speed.
Related: Puberty Hit and Suddenly My Son’s Volatile Moods Took Over
Looking at the table full of freshly purchased groceries, I wondered what to do next. I started to put the groceries away, when my youngest son, an 11-year-old, sensitive young man who seems to have the emotional intelligence of a genius, walked over to me and without saying a word, simply wrapped his arms around my middle, embracing me in a hug that positively changed the whole trajectory of the moment.
I went from feeling upset, frustrated, hurt, emotional, and overwhelmed to feeling… peace. Simple, in the moment, this too shall pass peace. From one simple hug! Never underestimate the power of a very basic gesture of care.
A Meaningful Hug is Powerful Medicine
I work with a precious woman that visits my office every day. More days than not, she can tell by the look on my face if I am having a good day, or a not-so-good day. She never ceases to open those big, momma arms and wrap me in her warmth and understanding. Where words can often fall on hurt and suffering deaf ears, the simple gesture of a warm hug can heal a magnitude of hurt.
Please don’t ever underestimate the power of a hug! Whether saying ‘goodbye’ for the day to a school-aged child at morning drop-off, ‘see ya later’ to a friend after a wonderful time of catching up and reminiscing, or a tear-filled embrace after a deeply felt disagreement between soulmates, a hug can do wonders to restore a semblance of peace, comfort, and deep-down, rock-solid love.
My sweet son likely does not know how much I needed that hug. Or perhaps he does, and that is why he went out of his way to administer a bit of ‘mommy medicine’ that he likely learned from me, when he was just a little guy and a simple hug did much to heal a skinned knee, hurt feelings, or something slightly deeper in meaning. His hug to me, on this random Tuesday afternoon, reminded me how important it is to sometimes step aside from feelings, words, anger, frustration, discipline, lessons, and the hard talks. Sometimes a hug, a smile, a loving look, a wink, a non-verbal message, can speak volumes to those in our lives who are suffering.
Related: 20 Ways to Show Your Teen Love When They Don’t Want a Hug
I’ll Always Be Here for When My Teen Son Needs a Hug
The healing medicine my son’s hug elicited reminded me to not be sparing with my own hugs toward those in my circle that I truly love and hold dear. My teenager is not necessarily one for ‘displays of affection’ during this season of his growth, but even that tall, lanky, long-haired little-boy-turned-young-man will allow mom hugs when the time is right. And in the heart of a mother, the time for a hug is very nearly always right.
Are you looking for more encouragement for raising your teens and tweens?
Check out this book, Loving Hard When They’re Hard to Love, by the co-owner of Parenting Teens & Tweens, Whitney Fleming. The book contains 55 relatable essays about raising tweens and teens in today’s modern and chaotic world.
Parenting teens and tweens is a tough job, but you’re not alone. These posts might help:
Seven Critical Things to Know When Your Son Goes Through Puberty
10 Commons Battles that Will Destroy the Relationship with Your Teen
My Teen Won’t Come Out of Their Bedroom
Teen Boys Need These 9 Simple Things to Get Through These Tough Years
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