Warning Signs Your Teen May Be Hiding Alcohol Use

Inside: Teen alcohol use can be a big worry for many parents. It’s essential to understand how to discuss this issue with our kids and how to recognize signs and signals of a potential drinking problem without compromising their trust.

This is a contributed post from Alcohol Awareness.org.

It’s natural to worry about the choices your child will make about alcohol. Will they be able to resist peer pressure, or will they cave? And if they do start drinking, will they talk to you about it—or will they hide it from you?

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” is not a good policy for parents to have when it comes to alcohol and drugs. Not knowing whether your teen is drinking might allow you to experience less anxiety right now—but it could also stop you from being able to prevent serious consequences for your child.

There are several key signs that your teen might be hiding their alcohol use. You’ll also find out how you can discuss alcohol with your child in a way that encourages them to make safer and healthier decisions—without making them feel judged or pushing them away.

How to Find Out If Your Teen Is Drinking

Research suggests that teens who hide their behavior from their parents might be more likely to start drinking alcohol—but that doesn’t mean you should start snooping into their activities. In fact, the same research shows that adolescents who have open and supportive relationships with their parents are more likely to communicate honestly about their life choices, and less likely to abuse alcohol. (You may also like to read: Five Things Parents Unintentionally Do That Cause Our Teens to Lie)

That means you have a fine line to walk: you need to be able to recognize signs that your teen could be drinking, but you should make sure not to pry too aggressively into their lives. The trick is to build a relationship with your teen that encourages them to share details about their choices with you instead of making them feel like you’re spying on them.

Ask yourself how you would feel in their situation. Would you be more likely to listen to a parent if they were invading your privacy, or if you were actively seeking out their advice?

Signs Your Teen Might be Drinking

Of course, most teens aren’t fully transparent with their parents about everything—even when those parents are loving and supportive. So while it’s important to create an open and forthcoming atmosphere at home, you’ll also need to keep your eyes peeled for some telltale signs your child could be drinking alcohol and keeping it from you.

This doesn’t always look as obvious as a pile of empty beer cans in a bedroom closet. Instead, you might want to look out for more subtle signs, including the following:

Mood swings, including anger and irritability.
Problems in school regarding academic performance or social behavior.
General rebelliousness—some of this is just a natural part of growing up, but if your teen is particularly volatile or reactive, it could be a sign that something else is wrong.
Frequent or dramatic changes to friend groups.
Lower energy levels than usual.
A loss of interest in activities or a lack of care in their appearance.
Problems focusing or remembering things.

These signs may not guarantee that your teen is drinking, but they could be important early clues to problematic or dangerous behavior. Then there are some more obvious signs, such as:

Finding alcohol or alcohol containers in their belongings.
Smelling alcohol on their breath.
Slurred speech.
Problems with balance or coordination.

Talking to Your Teen about Alcohol Use

Once you suspect that your teen might be abusing alcohol, the next step is to communicate with them about it. But as we’ve already established, confronting them is rarely the best method.

Parents often want to be proactive about addressing these types of concerns—but you have to make sure your approach doesn’t put your teen on the defensive. Here’s a quick list of dos and don’ts for discussing alcohol with your teen:

Don’t:

Confront your teen angrily or lose your temper—this can make them scared to tell you the truth, and less likely to come to you if they need help again in the future.
Invade their privacy—resist the urge to rifle through their belongings or snoop through their devices; this is a fast track to damaging their trust if you’re discovered.
Issue ultimatums—Parents need to be firm sometimes, but the real goal here is to get your child to make better choices about alcohol because they want to, not because they felt forced.

Do:

Stay calm and approachable—the more comfortable you make it for your teen to open up, the better the odds that they will.
Let them know you understand—reminding your child that you were also their age once and faced similar decisions can make it easier for them to trust you and seek your advice, now and in the future.
Gently remind them of the risks—this can be done from a place of love and care as opposed to anger or judgment. Letting them know you care about their safety makes it far more difficult to write off your concerns as an arbitrary attempt to control their behavior and may make them more likely to remember your words later when faced with difficult decisions regarding alcohol.

When to Seek Additional Help

It’s important to remember that even if you follow the advice above perfectly, there is still a chance your teenager might continue drinking and try to hide the signs. If the problem continues—or gets worse—it might be time to look for extra support.

Alcohol Awareness runs a free national hotline that you can call 24/7 to connect with recovery programs in your area. Some people call it to find help for themselves, but you can also call to get help for a loved one who is struggling with alcohol abuse.

Growing up comes with all kinds of challenges, and part of your role as a parent is to help your children navigate their way towards effective solutions. Stay observant, compassionate, and available—the more support you can provide for them, the easier it might be to deal with problems like teen drinking before they have a chance to spiral out of control and lead to lasting consequences.