If you are feeling frustrated with an unmotivated teenager, you are not alone. Many parents are fighting the same non-stop battles with their teens to get them to engage with life on many fronts. However, please take heart, a lack of motivation in teenagers is not uncommon and there are many causes as well as some ways to help parents deal with this particularly teenage trait.

Why Are Teens So Unmotivated ?

One of the biggest explanations for teen apathy is that teens’ brains are still not fully developed, which results in behaviors that parents find challenging and confusing. Teenagers live very much in the moment and lack higher level planning skills. As a result, it is hard for them to really understand how their actions, or in this case lack of actions, may have negative consequences in the future. Understanding teen brain development can make a huge difference when trying to lessen many of the frustrations that come with parenting during these years. You may find reading the book “The Teenage Brain” to be helpful.

Another reasons for a teen’s lack of motivation – hormones. As we all know too well, adolescence is a period of significant hormonal changes, which can affect mood, energy levels, and motivation. Fluctuations in hormones, such as estrogen and testosterone, can lead to significant shifts in motivation and drive.

Academic pressure can also be a source of motivation issues. Today’s teenagers often face extreme academic pressures, including high expectations from parents, teachers, or even peers. The stress of exams, the need to maintain good grades, and the competitive nature of educational environment and the college admissions process can sometimes overwhelm teenagers and as a result they may react with a complete lack of motivation. It’s the only way they can regain any control in the situation as it just feels impossible to compete and do well.

Related Reading: I Refuse To Let My Teen Burn Out from Academic Pressure

Lastly, a major trend that is happening with our teens is that they lack purpose. They are being fed a formula of things they need to do in order to be successful in today’s world, but often it becomes more of a “must do” list dictated by outside forces rather then a conscious choice on their part to pursue activities they actually enjoy or care about. When teenagers don’t have clear goals or more importantly a personal WHY for what they are doing, it can be challenging to stay motivated and focused.

Find Empathy for Your Teen

All of this can be very stressful and many parents feel as if it is their fault their teenager is unmotivated. If you are feeling that way, rest assured that you haven’t done anything wrong. This is one of the most typical complaints that parents have about their teenage sons and daughters.

For just a moment, think back to your own teen years and really ask yourself, were you that different? And even if the answer is “yes”, maybe you can at least acknowledge that your own teen faces more demands than you did as a teen. No matter what, the best place to start is with empathy. There are reasons behind your teen’s lack of motivation and generally very valid ones, they are not behaving this way to spite you or simply because they are lazy.

Related Reading: 8 Genius Responses For When Your Teen Is Being Lazy And Entitled (We Say in Our Head)

However, this doesn’t mean that it is something you just have to accept. There are ways you can help motivate your teenager. Just keep in mind the goal is to encourage them rather than making them feel like they are falling short.

How to Help Motivate Your Unmotivated Teen

Keep in mind that teenagers want to feel independent. So, work with them to help them find their own solutions. The last thing you want to do is make your teenager feel like they have one more thing to check off their to-do list or feel like you are nagging them.

Encourage goal setting:

Help teens set clear and achievable goals. Encourage them to break down larger goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. Setting goals provides a sense of purpose and direction, which can increase motivation.

Related Reading: How To Help Your Teen Set Goals For High School Success

Foster autonomy and choice:

Allow your teen to have a say in their activities and decisions. Giving them autonomy and the opportunity to make choices fosters a sense of ownership and control, which can enhance motivation.

Find intrinsic motivation:

Help your teen to identify activities or subjects they genuinely enjoy or find meaningful. When they engage in activities that align with their interests and values, intrinsic motivation is more likely to emerge and sustain their enthusiasm. It is also what will more likely help them develop a sense of purpose.

Provide support and encouragement:

Offer your teen consistent support, encouragement, and positive reinforcement. Show genuine interest in their pursuits, acknowledge their efforts, and celebrate their achievements. This kind of support can not only improve motivation, but also self-confidence.

Help them see the bigger picture:

Show your teens how their current actions or tasks connect to their long-term goals or aspirations. Talk with them about the relevance and importance of their efforts now in terms of the things they hope for in the future. Teens can often feel like school work or a high school job is boring or stupid and doesn’t really matter. When we can give them the ability to understand the purpose and significance of these tasks and how they do actually create a foundation for success down the line, it can boost motivation.

Break tasks into manageable steps:

Teens often have a huge “To Do” list of what they have to get done in any given week and month. This can feel extremely overwhelming and demotivating. Help teens break them down into smaller, actionable steps. This approach makes each task more approachable and allows for a sense of progress, which can be motivating.

A great way to frame this for teens is to ask them, “How do you eat an elephant?” The answer, “One bite at a time.”

Teach time management skills:

Executive functioning skills like time management are becoming increasingly difficult for teens as they live in a world of constant distraction. Helping teens develop effective time management skills can be crucial to helping them learn to focus and it will also give them a sense of control. By teaching them how to prioritize tasks, create schedules, and allocate time appropriately, they can better organize their responsibilities and avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Related Reading: Time Management Can Be Tricky for Teens: Here’s How to Help

Encourage self-care:

Honestly, teens suck at this and especially getting proper sleep. Sleep deprivation is an epidemic among teens today for so many reasons. Giving teens the knowledge and the ability to create a healthy lifestyle will benefit them their whole lives. This includes making sure they understand proper nutrition and at least have healthy food choices available to them, encouraging them to get regular exercise(make it a part of weekly family time) ensure they are getting sufficient sleep(no tech in the bedroom at night and shut down the wi-fi after a certain time), and talk to them about stress management techniques. Taking care of their physical and mental well-being can positively impact motivation levels.

Related Reading: Why Self Care Is One Of The Most Important Lessons We Can Teach Our Teens

Give Teens Responsibilities:

Often as a result of our own impatience with teens not doing things the way we want or when we want, our desire to stop fighting the same battles or our frustration with constantly reminding them to do the same task over and over, we stop setting expectations for our teens and holding them accountable for reasonable teen responsibilities. However, it is proven, when teens are given responsibilities it boosts self-esteem and helps them feel more capable. It’s also necessary for them to become sufficient adults.

Teens who feel more capable, feel more empowered, and as a result are often more motivated. But just like when they were little, they require positive reinforcement. Instead of constantly harping on them when they don’t do something, which can be really unmotivating, intentionally look for what may feel like rare occasions when they do what is expected, recognize it immediately and give them praise. Positive reinforcement never ceases to be an incredibly effective tool for motivating our kids no matter what age.

Related Reading: 50 Simple and Useful Life Skills for Teens You Can Teach Quickly

Seek professional help if needed:

If a teenager’s lack of motivation persists or significantly affects their daily functioning, it may be beneficial to involve a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. They can provide additional support and guidance tailored to the individual’s needs.

While motivating your unmotivated teen may seem like a struggle, it is worth it to put in the time to help them gain the knowledge and skills necessary to manage this common teen trait. It will have long-term benefits and it is one of those things they’ll thank you for when they are older. Just hang in there and remember, you are not alone. Feel free to watch any movie or TV show with teenagers in it from the last 50 years and you’ll feel much better knowing that it isn’t just your teen. 😉

Are you in the thick of raising your tweens and teens? You may like this book by Whitney Fleming, the co-owner of Parenting Teens & Tweens: Loving Hard When They’re Hard to Love: Essays about Raising Teens in Today’s Complex, Chaotic World.

Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but the following popular posts that other parents found helpful might just make it a little easier.

Ten Important Teen Life Skills They Need To Master In Order To Thrive In Adulthood

The BEST Motivational Ted Talks for Teens and Tweens

10 Life Skills You Should Start Working on With Your Middle Schooler Today

Six Of The Best Mindfulness Apps For Teens To Help Them Manage Life

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