It has been said that “art imitates life” or is it “life imitates art”? Either way, it rings true. However, as a boy mom of a sports kid, I would challenge that “sports imitate life” every bit as much as art, possibly even more.
Last night, I sat at my 8th grade son’s out-of-town basketball tournament. My son was not playing, but that is a story for another day. Since I was not glued to his every move on and off the court, as I tend to be when he is in the game, I received a completely fresh perspective of this game I have come to know and love, as my son has played since he was in kindergarten.
Sitting in front of two basketball moms, whose shrill, ear-piercing screams could likely shatter glass, I heard some very interesting commentary. Watching the coaches, as both teams were within close proximity to where I sat, I homed in on the conversations they had from the sidelines, from the bench, and when their team was in time out. It was truly enlightening! So much so that I started to keep a log of the sports commentary I heard from my spot in the stands.
As I wrote each comment down, some made me chuckle, others made me scratch my head in confusion, and still others made me ponder the deep meaning of life—all from an 8th grade basketball tournament game. Here is a mom’s perspective on life, from the stands of her son’s team’s basketball game…
7 Quotes from a Middle School Basketball Game (That Actually Carry a Life Lesson)
1. “You get five (fouls) for a reason!”
This statement not only made me laugh out loud, but it made me ponder a deeper meaning behind this popular phrase. An allegory for life that holds true, based on the many fouls we encounter as we each travel this unique journey. I hope my son knows that life holds way more than five fouls. There will be winning seasons and losing seasons. There will be losses of friendship and new friends that come along to fill that void. There will be walks of faith and walks in sheer blindness, desperately seeking a hand to guide the way.
The fouls of life are inevitable, no doubt. However, there are very few fouls that will completely take you out of the game. Son, this is where you learn from your mistakes, brush them off, and get back out there—on the court, and in life—and give ‘em hell!
2. “Ref, is your whistle broken?”
Yes, this screaming statement was actually made from the mom sitting directly behind me. It truly felt as if she screamed straight into my ear, nearly bursting my eardrum. As much as I detest parents that shout obscenities and unsportsmanlike words at the hard-working (and very underpaid) referees, I found this statement full of meaning. As a black-and-white, always seeking justice, bit of a legalistic mom-judge, I understand how difficult it is when we feel our kids are singled out, get a tough break, are not properly acknowledged, or have a target on their backs.
My family spent the majority of my son’s 7th grade year fighting these invisible, yet very emotionally painful, battles. Sometimes it does feel, very much, like life’s great equalizer (Karma, Spirit, whatever you wish to call it) has a broken whistle.
Yet.
For each unfair call (or lack of) on one team, the athletes on the other team will inevitably receive the same unfair treatment. It may not happen in the same game. It may not even be in the same season. But eventually, I believe that the ying and yang of life inevitably equals out. For an impatient and justice-seeking mom of my pedigree, the wait often feels endless and uncomfortable. But it will come. Give that ref a break! He (or she) is doing the best he can and that foul he didn’t see today, will likely be the game-changer he does see tomorrow. In basketball, and in life, the great equalizer is always at work, whether we see it or not.
3. “Get in there. GET IN THERE!”
I honestly cannot recall if this came from a coach or a parent. Yet, it stood out to me as noteworthy. Whether in the game or in life, sometimes our children need to be reminded to simply, Get in There! It is so easy for failing grades, a sad breakup, and the confusion and frustration of growing up to relegate our kids to the sidelines of life. And yes, at times, everyone needs a little respite, some rejuvenation from the game. But I will always tell my son, after an acceptable time of re-setting on the sidelines, “Kid, it’s time to get back in the game!”
You might also like to read: How to Help Teens Build the Life Skills They Need for School-Life Balance
4. “Don’t foul! FOUL! PLEASE FOUL!”
These three consecutive statements came from the head coach. He was adamant that one of his players fight back, based on the opposing team’s incessant number of fouls. I do not pretend to understand the logistics of the game from a coach’s perspective, but I am quite sure he had very good reason for encouraging his own basketball player to foul an opponent.
In life, just like on the court, there are times to play defense and times to play offense. I have always encouraged my sons not to physically fight. However, as boys, I know they do not have the same capability of communication and emotional maturity that their female peers tend to have at this pivotal age. I would whole-heartedly stand by my kid if he did everything possible to defuse a situation and simply felt there was no other recourse than to fight.
Sometimes you get fouled, sometimes you foul. That’s just life.
5. “You gotta teach ‘em, not yell at ‘em!”
This statement was made by, what I can only assume, was a grandfather. He was sitting somewhere behind me (likely the father of the ear-piercing sports mom mentioned earlier). This man was soft-voiced, kind, and made a lot of sense, from what I could tell in over-hearing their conversation for nearly two hours. Apparently his gentle demeanor and humble sportsmanship skipped a generation, I thought to myself, as his daughter shouted, flailed, and made a bit of a spectacle in the stands.
At one point, the coach yelled at one of his players. The grandfather sitting behind me leaned over to his daughter and simply said: “You gotta teach ‘em, not yell at ‘em.” At first, I thought how precious this sentiment was, from the sweet grandpa of one of the players on the court. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this, too, is a meaningful metaphor for life—not just team sports. Especially life with teens.
I often try to reason with my teenager, communicate with him in the way I did when he was a child. It doesn’t work. Next, I resort to feeling frustrated and yell. That may work in the moment, but it is not exactly character-building or the way I want him to learn proper communication. Teaching is far more important than getting one’s point across by upping the volume and intensity. This was a good lesson for me, as a mother of teens. And perhaps the coach needs to hear it as well.
6. “See what happens (when you listen?)… Good things happen!”
This comment came from the coach. After spending the first three quarters yelling out the same plays, apparently one of his players finally decided to listen. And guess what? They scored! They got fouled. They turned the tides of the game and went from being defeated to feeling the sweet taste of victory. In much the same way, as parents, we often feel we say and do the same things, trying to get the attention of our teens. They likely feel like their old parents are a broken record (if they even know what a record is).
Until….
There is that sweet spot of connection that comes (often after all else fails) in which a teen finally gets it. Studying leads to good grades, a good night’s rest leads to a better attitude, practice makes perfect, and hard work elicits the success our teens so desperately desire. Just like that peppy coach who made me laugh more than once, we can sit back with a smile upon our parental faces and simply say… “See what happens (when you listen to me)… GOOD things happen!”
Related: Competitive Youth Sports Means Crazy Schedules But Great Life Lessons
7. “Don’t force it. Why are we trying to force it?”
This was the final phrase that stood out to me from this night of three tournament games. The coach was addressing one of his players. I cannot recall what the player was forcing, but the coach was not a fan. It has taken me nearly 45 years to figure this life hack out. If it has to be forced, it is likely not meant to be. I truly hope I can enlighten my teen on this very important precedent in life. Sometimes you just have to let it flow. Let it go.
If you have to force a romantic relationship, friendship, a particular sport, or even a specific subject, perhaps it is the universe’s way of saying: “This is not for you.” Understanding the fine line between perseverance and allowing things to flow can be a bit tricky. I struggle with this as a middle-aged single mother of two. However, the coach’s sentiment in the middle of a highly competitive middle school basketball game, “Don’t force it!” rings true for many seasons of life, on and off the court.
I love being a sports mom. These life lessons of teamwork, shooting your shots, and showing resilience after facing defeat or setbacks often translate to my son’s life off of the court. It brings me such pleasure to see him mature and react differently to situations, based on his intense training and love of this sport. He may not be a lifelong baller, but I truly hope that the relationships he makes with his teammates and coaches, not to mention the athletic growth and mental maturity that is more apparent with each game, will carry him throughout this beautiful game we call life.
Looking for another resource to help you navigate these tricky years of parenting teens?
We recommend The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable and Compassionate Adolescents. With concrete, relatable explanations embedded in vibrant, real-life anecdotes, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers gives parents the science-based information they need to guide their teens through a challenging developmental phase during challenging times.
Parenting teens and tweens is a tough job, but you’re not alone. These posts might help:
Middle School Is Hard for Everyone, But Sports Can Make It a Little Easier
30+ Inspirational Sports Movies to Connect with Your Teen
Gifts For Teens They’ll Actually Like!
5 Simple Ways To Build A Solid Bond With Your Tweens That Will Last
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