Note: This post may contain spoilers of Season 2 of Shrinking.
There are a million reasons I love Shrinking. First, it’s a deep dive into the why behind people’s actions–understanding their backstories, the complexities of relationships, and how much we all struggle even when it looks like we have our lives together.
It’s the cast filled with people I love: the goofy Ted McGinley from Happy Days fame; the brilliant Harrison Ford, who is the perfect curmudgeon combination of warmth and grumpy; Brett Goldstein, who put Roy Kent to bed and created a character so broken he left my heart in need of a defibrillator; and Jessica Williams, who I’d love to hang out with for a night. Honestly, I love them all, and it’s like picking a favorite of my three kids.
Shrinking tackles a lot of complex issues, including domestic violence, PTSD, drunk driving, degenerative diseases, adultery, sex, drugs, and everything in between. I would not call it light-hearted, although it is a comedy with many laugh-out-loud moments. It can be crass, blunt, and push the envelope on various topics. The outstanding writing is meant to make us uncomfortable at times.
What it’s really about, however, is how we are all just doing the best we can while dealing with grief, whether it’s losing a loved one, facing the end of a relationship, dealing with our own immortality, or navigating a life change–and getting through it by leaning on each other.
Related: Perimenopause While Raising Teens Is My Toughest Challenge Yet
Liz on Shrinking is Every Mom Facing the Empty Nest
But what really draws me in each week is Liz, a middle-aged mom who just sent her last kid off to college and is trying to find her place in this world. Played by the lovely Christa Miller, she is Jimmy’s neighbor(the main character played by Jason Segal), a recent empty-nester who steps in as a surrogate mom to his teenage daughter Alice when his wife tragically dies in a drunk driving accident.
Liz is an incredibly dynamic character. She is compassionate and understanding while admitting she is privileged. She has dedicated her life to raising her kids and supporting her family, but she does not know where to put this excess love now. She is crass but incredibly classy, strong and confident yet broken and insecure, generous and thoughtful yet guarded and a little bit judgmental.
Mostly, however, she is every mom. She is the one that keeps everything moving and everyone in line. She’s created a loving home and launched her kids into the world. She is the rock for her family even when they exasperate her.
Sound familiar?
But underneath all her attitude and feistiness is something that so many of us middle-aged women face: Who am I when my kids are gone?
There is a theory that as women age, we start to become invisible. Our looks fade. Our opinions are less sought out. We are expected to reside more in the background of life while our kids begin theirs. Many women between the ages of 40 and 60 struggle with family and career choices and face pressure to mask the signs of aging. This is often played out in media and film where women in midlife who were once the lead now take a more supporting role.
As a middle-aged woman myself, I’ve felt this, and it’s why I believe Liz’s character on Shrinking is so important. She is an amped-up version of so many women facing a challenging time in their lives, and I’m glad the series emphasized her character in season two.
At first, it appears Liz is transitioning well. She helped her neighbor and his teenage daughter through a traumatic time. She supports her husband as he moves into retirement. She establishes new friendships, invests in a business she loves, and tries to find new hobbies.
But as some of these things fall apart,Liz starts to struggle. The relationship with her son becomes tenuous and he returns to college without even saying goodbye. She finds purpose in a food truck partnership that goes awry. Jimmy gets his life together so Alice no longer needs her support. Her husband retires and is now around all the time. Her new friends are busy with the own lives. The final blow comes when the animal shelter she volunteers at won’t use the pictures she took for their adoption campaign.
Liz, who has always been the strongest leg of the table, now feels a bit wobbly and is questioning her purpose.
For me, it was physically painful to watch her start to unravel while no one seems to notice. Always the caretaker and the one in charge, she is slowly losing her identity while others are moving forward–and I felt it in my core.
So many of us have been there or are there right now. We are stuck with launching our kids into this world while trying to care for aging relatives. We are figuring out our careers and trying to find purpose. We are dealing with significant changes in our bodies while trying to maintain relationships. It is a lot.
When she tries to open up to her husband, Derek, she says, “I’m feeling like, I don’t know. You ever feel like you’re a bit off, like you’re underwater? It’s so stupid.”
And thinking that it’s not a big deal, Derek smiles and simply reminds her that the house is more quiet now and she can do other things, but the look on her face says it all.
“No one sees me. No ones gets it. I am alone.” And that’s when we watch Liz seek comfort in an old flame, desperate for someone in her life to notice her.
Woof.
The Midlife Crisis of Middle-Aged Women
Midlife comes with so much change. It’s kids flying the nest and everyone getting divorced. It’s a waistline you don’t recognize and an attention-span that is short. It’s feeling like your life is over and just beginning at the same time.
As Nora Ephron once said, “You are not going to be you — fixed, immutable you — forever.” It’s why we sometimes feel like we are underwater, and why we need to come up and breathe some air.
I don’t know where Liz’s character will go, but I do know there are some ways to get through middle-aged a little more smoothly:
- Talk to a therapist/life coach: Sometimes we just need a little help to understand and process are emotions, and the encouragement to take the next step. Anxiety can amp up during menopause, so cognitive therapy can help.
- Meet with your medical doctor: There are so many changes that happen during midlife, and you don’t have to suffer through all of them. Good physical health can have a positive impact on your mental health.
- Focus on gratitude: We often focus on what we’ve lost during midlife instead of all the things we have. Consider starting a gratitude journal or using an app to change your mindset.
- Prioritize self-care: After years of taking care of others, midlife is an integral time to start taking care of yourself. Try out new hobbies, join a few clubs, volunteer, take long walks, eat nutritiously, and develop healthy habits you can take with you for the rest of your life.
- Continue learning: Your life is not over just because you don’t have kids to care for; instead, takes steps to set up your future. Take an online course, learn to cook, start guitar lessons, plant a garden, or like Liz, invest in a food truck (just don’t sell it without asking your partner!) Even small steps can make you feel accomplished.
- Stay connected: We often think that people are “too busy” to reach out or that too much time has passed, but this is often a fallacy. Reach out to old friends, ask someone to coffee, set time to visit with your kids or relatives, or volunteer. Loneliness can be a major problem during this stage, so we have to work hard to stay connected.
Shrinking is available to stream on Apple TV+. It airs on Wednesdays.
Are you struggling with midlife? Check out this book: Everything I Wish I Could Tell You about Midlife: A Woman’s Guide to Health in the Body You Actually Have
Parenting teens and tweens is hard but you don’t have to do it alone. These popular articles can help:
The Mental Load of Raising Teens Has Me Running on Empty
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Heather says
did you watch tonight’s episode…not sure the headline of your article reads as well now. I love this show