Questions to Ask to Know If Your Tween or Teen Is Ready for a Phone

The question is not if, BUT WHEN your child is going to be ready for her very own phone? In today’s world, it’s inevitable.

Parents provide their children with phones for many reasons. Sometimes, it feels like a necessity due to extracurricular activities or your child is staying home alone. It may be because the family dynamic has changed (i.e., divorce) or pressure from outside sources.

Some parents rush into the decision before their children rare ready and have the emotional maturity to manage technology, while others wait out of fear, without considering that perhaps their child can handle the responsibility.

But how can you know if it’s right for your tween or teen?

Here Are The Tech Rules You Need To Be Setting For Your Tweens and Teens

Every child’s social and emotional maturity is different

I have a 13-year-old, and she has not had a phone until recently.

I have purposefully kept away from the trend of arming pre-teens with phones for a few reasons. First, because I tend to swim against the current on “trends”, especially in parenting.  Second, because I truly didn’t see the point. Even with an active family of six, I failed to see how her having a phone was going to enrich our lives or make me feel safer about my teen’s whereabouts. I knew my child’s location because I sanctioned it. If she was at school, a friend’s house, or another activity, there were arrangements in place for pick up and some form of communication readily available. I did the work each day. Third, I feel like once you hand over a phone, it opens a Pandora’s box of other issues, such as texting, social media usages like TikTok and SnapChat, and sextortion.

Many parents tell me that they gave their child a phone, some as young as elementary school, for safety purposes. The phone was a way to remain in constant communication with their child or track the child’s location. They wanted to be able to reach their child at any time even if that meant monitoring their phone access for years.

I think, as parents, we need to evaluate this need for constant communication. I feel like it stems from a fear of losing control (for the parent) and inhibits independence (for the child). Jonathan Haidt writes about this in The Anxious Generation. He discusses how we’ve made our children less independent in the real world with more access to the online world.

I’m interested in what my kids are doing, and we have multiple opportunities to connect outside of school. As far as safety, yes, I’m aware of the GPS tracking available on phones, but so is anyone else who may wish to harm my child. I’m fairly certain a criminal isn’t going to let your child hold onto their phone amidst a kidnapping, and during a school incident, a child trying to get to their phone could put them in harm’s way. There are many adults at school with access to a communications device.

But there is a time when a phone makes sense.

Related: The Most Important Reason Teens Should Not Have Their Phones At Night

How can parents know their child is ready for a phone?

However, I do think there are advantages to your child having a cell and for this generation, it is a rite of passage. So how do you know if your child is ready?

Here’s a list that will help you determine if now is the time for your family:

• Is the child responsible at home? Does she complete her chores without being reminded? Is her room in a satisfactory state a majority of the time? Does she care for the toys/technology/clothes she’s been given?
• Has the child demonstrated appropriate behavior with other technology at home? Is he following the rules for computer time and video game usage? Does he return games and controllers to the right place, not strewn about on the floor? Does he turn off the TV, games, etc. without arguing?
• Is she making her best effort in school? Is she respectful at home?
• Does he typically make good decisions even when not being watched? Does he understand a cell phone is a privilege, not a right?
• Does she accept responsibility when she makes a poor choice rather than blame others?

I don’t believe a magic age exists that ensures any child is ready for a cell phone. However, if you can comfortably answer the questions above, your child may be able to handle the responsibility. If in doubt, I would err on the side of caution and reevaluate in a few months, and remember, there are other options to consider.

A phone is not a right. It’s a privilege. Be brave in your decisions, and do what’s right for your family.

Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These posts can help:

What Every Parent Of A Teen Needs To Know About Tik Tok

Location Sharing: Why Teens Love It Despite the Risks

No, Your Teen Does Not Need Their Cell Phone in School. Here’s Why

What Happened When a Stranger Messaged My Tween’s Phone