How to Survive the Very Uncomfortable Years of Parenting Teens

The following is a contributed post from Shelby Spear, co-author of the book, How Are You Feeling, Momma? (You don’t need to say, “I’m fine.”)

Parenting teens is So. Hard. Like so ridiculously hard. There are things that come up that I could never have dreamed in my wildest imaginations would be situations we would face. No one can prepare you for this stage of raising kids. Don’t get me wrong, parts of it are amazing. But some parts are…. definitely not.

I thought I felt out of my comfort zone when I first brought these children home as little babies. They were so small and fragile and I quickly learned I had no idea what I was doing. But it got better and I thought I finally was getting the hang of things. And then the teen years hit.

That was why, when I came across an article on Success.com entitled, “10 Ways to Overcome Fear and Break Out of Your Comfort Zone,” it really hit home.

The top 10, according this article, are as follows:

Take nothing for granted.
Switch up your routine.
Move toward your fears.
Give up control.
Try something new until it feels comfortable.
Ask questions other people don’t want to.
Start conversations with strangers.
Agree to something you wouldn’t normally consider.
Get in front of the camera.
Keep a list of growth goals.

I laughed out loud as I read through that list.

Parenting Teens Means The Comfort Zone Is Long Gone

As a parent of teens, this list, or at least most of it, is your life. Breaking out of your comfort zone happens automatically against your will. Like, overnight.

All of us can attest to regularly being drop-kicked out of any sense of normalcy. All ten steps complete. NOT. Thanking. You. Very. Much.

Parents of teens don’t need experts to give tips and tricks on how to break free from everyday routine. Because as soon as you reach a space where you feel like you can catch your breath for go on cruise control for even a moment, you are reminded that there there is no such thing as autopilot. The mental load alone is exhausting.

You might also like to read: 10 Valuable Lessons My Teens Taught Me About Parenthood

Everything surrounding the teenage season is outside of the comfort zone. In fact, there’s actually a lot of discomfort if we’re being honest.

Instead, maybe what parents of teens really need is a list of best practices to survive outside of your comfort zone. Raising teens means that just when you think you might have a handle on things, something new comes along to break all your routines and remove all sense of normalcy. There are days (and weeks) when nothing makes sense. When all bets are off. When tomorrow is a mystery, and we’re really just trying to make it through the next hour.

So, if we were going to create that survival list for the teen years, what exactly would it look like? How about we start with the following.

10 Ways To Survive the Teen Years (Even If They’re Uncomfortable)

Take nothing personally (well, do your best). (You may like this post: Why And How To Stop Taking Your Teen’s Attitude Personally)
Change your perspective where possible.
Surrender your fears because they’ll eat you alive.
Remember most things are out of your control.
Make peace with the uncomfortable—it’s the new normal.
Find a village to support you (even if it’s a virtual one).
Keep a journal for your sanity.
Accept your teens for who they are right now, not who you hope they’ll be some day.
Find things to laugh about. Lots and lots and lots of things.
Focus on gratitude. (You may like to read: How to Incorporate Gratitude Into Your Challenging Life with Teenagers)

Now, this survival list may help you better manage this perpetual state of uncomfortableness you’re in as the parent of a teen. But the truth is, whether you feel like it or not, you have already achieved superhero status. You may not have wanted to and you may still be fighting it, but you’ve become a master at living amidst all things not resembling comfort.

I encourage you to take a long hard look at the first list above from Success magazine. Then give yourself a well-deserved and loving pat on the back for doing every one of these things daily. Plus surviving. That is some real badassery that you should own and be proud of.

We can all do hard things. This is for sure. The resolve of the human spirit is something to behold.

But that doesn’t make any of the hard stuff easier. It just makes it real. And living out of your comfort zone as part of parenting teens is very real. Just know that the world sees you and feels you now more than ever.

Are you looking for more encouragement for raising your teens and tweens?

Check out this book, You’re Not a Failure, My Teen Doesn’t Like Me Either, by the co-owner of Parenting Teens & Tweens, Whitney Fleming. It addresses the many challenges we face as parents today and how we can tackle them to have better relationships with our big kids.