When you think of the word “hobby”, what comes to mind? Usually this word signifies something you might do for fun, something that helps you relax or find joy, and something you don’t necessarily feel pressure to be “good” at. Unfortunately, it seems like kids today are having less and less time for hobbies in the traditional sense—but we, as parents, can change that.

Personally, I want to teach my tween that it’s okay to have a hobby just to have a hobby. They don’t need to win a trophy. They don’t need to be the best. They don’t even need to be any good at it.

It’s OK to do a hobby simply because you love it.

Stress and Anxiety in Today’s Adolescents (And How Hobbies Can Help)

Across all age groups, kids today are stressed out. Between academics, peer pressure to keep up with other kids, and the intensity of youth sports, the stakes are just too high—even for tweens who shouldn’t yet feel this way. It’s the whole over-achieving mentality. These kids turn into individuals who start to believe their sole purpose on earth is to perform and compete with their peers to always be “the best” and achieve greatness in everything they do.

Participating in a no-pressure hobby, however, could mean wonders for our tweens’ mental health. A study by the Society of Behavioral Medicine showed that people who have hobbies “have fewer negative emotions and are less stressed.”

Isn’t this the type of gift we want to give our children? Less stress. More confidence. Better mental health.

It’s time to encourage our teenagers to participate in hobbies and extracurricular activities just for the simplicity of fun and personal enjoyment.

Enjoying Hobbies Just for Fun—Not Competition

We recently moved to northern Michigan, and my tween started learning to ski. Before we moved, we went to a BBQ. Eating a s’more around the fire someone asked, “Is your son going to join the ski team?”

I replied, “I doubt it,” and shrugged my shoulders.

But that simple question got me thinking. To my son, skiing is new and fun—something he loves doing on the weekends with his dad. It’s usually a day full of bonding, laughs, and personal improvement. It’s a hobby they love doing together. And my tween doesn’t need the competition aspect to prove he’s getting better.

Finding hobbies your tween actually enjoys will also help them take their mind off of academic pressures. During the tween years, school stress already begins. From homework to tests to standardized assessments, tweens need a break—and it needs to be more than just scrolling an iPad or videos on their phone which we know does not strengthen their self-esteem or overall mental health.

4 Ways Parents Can Help their Tweens and Teens Find a Hobby they Love

Our society has slowly grown into believing that we should only do things we’re good at—and we should get some kind of shiny object for doing them well. It almost feels brave (at any age) when we try something new and are just bad at it.

But we must encourage our tweens to go for it. Here are a few suggestions to help your tween or teen find a hobby that brings them joy, boosts their confidence and improves their mental health.

1. Just take the plunge!

Last year, our family did a lot of firsts together. We rock climbed, skied, snowshoed (tween was not a fan of this one!), bouldered up mountains, canyoneered into steep canyons (Mom was terrified!), tried sketching, crocheted, and more. Some members of our family were good at activities right from the start, while others fumbled a bit. But we created memories together during these firsts and laughed our way through them. So, try to plan some activities that you can do together with your tween. Maybe something will stick and you’ll have a new hobby you can all do as a family.

Related: Ten Fun Activities to Bond with Your Teenagers

2. Let them lead.

Letting your big kid choose their own hobby is probably the most important part. Of course, sometimes tweens enter a laisse faire stage, so it may be a little more difficult to get them to buy into the idea. You can try taking them to a craft store if they’re the artsy type, let them look through the local sports and recreation pamphlet to get ideas, research a travel destination, or even just use the good ‘ole internet.

You don’t have to necessarily “sign-up” for anything, either. Oftentimes, they just need the idea and then you can turn to a free way of executing it. YouTube, for example, has so many tutorials. My daughter has even learned to play the piano that way.

3. Bring friends along.

So, how do we go about getting them into a hobby then if they’re the type of kid who’s ready to be away from their parents? Cue a giant sigh. The only answer is friends. Brainstorm healthy hobbies they can do with their friends. Our family, for example, loves to do things outside, but our tween is also at the age where he wants some space from Mom and Dad. So, we’ve signed him up to do some activities with friends like an outdoor camp and mountain biking.

We’ve seen our tween gain some confidence in these areas, so now, he and his buddies will go explore in the woods together or go mountain biking. Yes, this takes a little trust on our part, but we know that he’s ready for it and that the benefits outweigh the risks. Hopefully, these hobbies will travel with him through adulthood.

Related: 7 Surefire Ways to Boost Your Middle School Daughter’s Confidence

4. Pencil in the time.

Once your tween has found a hobby or two, it’s a good idea to pencil it in. This doesn’t mean that you’re over-scheduling them. The contrary, actually. It means that you’re teaching them to be mindful of their time, pay attention to their stress level, and dedicate time to something that actually brings them joy. Once I started this habit with my tween, I even started doing it myself. Because I noticed if I didn’t, it always got pushed to the wayside.

That might mean putting outdoor activities like “nature exploration” on the calendar. Or setting aside time to read, craft, or practice photography—making hobby preferences just as important in the schedule as homework or sports.

Helping your child find a hobby they love is a lifetime gift that keeps on giving.

Sometimes sports and activities become a part-time job to kids. We want them to learn how to do something besides work, because someday they may have a family and real responsibilities, and their “passion” may be the only thing that keeps their sanity and promotes healthy habits like relaxation.

In the end, don’t we want our children to grow into adults who know what to do with their spare time—and enjoy it? If everything is constantly a test or scored, they will only feel more exhausted. If, however, they learn the value of patience and how doing something just for the fun of it improves their emotional well-being, they are more likely to develop healthy lifestyles as grownups.

Sure, competition and overcoming adversity can be healthy and motivating for some individuals. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But I do think life should also include simple joy—and hobbies do just that.

Even without a trophy.

Are you in the thick of raising your tweens and teens?

You may like this book by Whitney Fleming, the co-owner of Parenting Teens & Tweens: You’re Not a Failure: My Teen Doesn’t Like Me Either.

Raising tweens and teens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These posts might help:

I Felt Like a Failure When My Daughter Struggled With Depression

Three Simple Tasks You Should Transition to Your Teens Today

Twelve Practical and Powerful Gifts Your Teen Doesn’t Know They Need

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