This is a contributed post from Ashlyn Darter, founder of Operation Halo.
When I was in college, I nearly lost my mother to domestic violence. Trying to help her through this time by becoming her emergency legal guardian, I also faced threats and psychological, financial, emotional, and even physical abuse. This experience, along with others involving stalking, sexual assault, and harassment, have shown me how critical it is for young women to have safe spaces to discuss personal safety, healthy relationships, and overall wellness—ideally before a crisis occurs.
As the creator of Operation Halo, I often find myself bridging the gap between parents and teen girls while delivering our unique safety curriculum. What I hear all too often is that girls’ knowledge about sexual assault comes mostly from conversations with friends, what they find online, or unfortunately, their own experiences. That is a problem, and exactly why we focus on educating young women early—before risk increases—and why parents have a critical role to play, too.
Thoughtful, timely conversations with teen girls and boys can empower them to avoid becoming victims and perpetrators, especially as they step into higher-risk settings like college campuses.
Related: Sextortion Is a Growing Problem for Teens: Here’s What Parents Need to Know
How parents can help educate their teens about sexual assault
Here are the most important things about sexual assault prevention that I’ve learned in my role as a messenger.
1. Situational Awareness
Standing Up for Yourself: Situational Awareness is the cornerstone of Operation Halo’s curriculum and honestly, a vital skill for everyone. Here’s what teens specifically need guidance on:
- Learning to spot behaviors that are pushy, controlling, or disrespectful of boundaries, especially in a sexual manner (You may also like to read: How to Talk to Adolescent Girls About Unwanted Sexual Attention).
- Trusting their gut—if a place or person feels off, it probably is, and they should get away as quickly as possible.
- Using their voice and body language to set boundaries and, if necessary, signal confidence to protect themselves.
Standing Up for Other: teens often witness things that concern them, so giving them tools to safely step in for another teen is powerful. It’s important to remember that many teenagers do not have the life perspective, confidence or communication skills to intervene in other people’s distress, or they may feel paralyzed in the moment. Role playing can be a great way to help your teen become more comfortable.
Also, follow the 5D’s of Bystander Awareness:
- Talk about ways they could distract and delay someone who might not have the best intentions.
- Teach them to delegate to friends or authorities, so they aren’t trying to handle a situation alone.
- Discuss direct intervention with a friend who seems off or a peer who seems unsafe.
- Make sure they know the importance of documentation, which could simply be an eyewitness description or testimony of an event unfolding.
The key message to deliver to your teens is that observation skills are critical, and taking action, no matter how small, is better than doing nothing when faced with a potential sexual assault.
Related: What Your Teen Needs to Know about Manipulators and How to Say No
2. Risk Patterns: Recognizing Red Flags and Common Environments
While responsibility always lies with the abuser, teens benefit from knowing what to watch for, and where sexual assault is most likely to occur. Parents should have frequent conversations about:
- What grooming behaviors look like, especially non-obvious signs such as love-bombing, secret keeping, and casual or unnecessary touching.
- Recognizing pressure to consume alcohol or drugs, or go somewhere isolated.
- Avoiding areas such as parking lots, inside unsecured homes, going to a far-off room at a party, or near bars and clubs.
Reiterate that intuition is a “6th sense” and should always be trusted.
3. It’s Not Usually About Strangers
I used to think assault happened mostly in dark alleys by strangers. But the reality is teens are 2 to 3 times more likely to be hurt by someone they know: friends, partners, or family members. Understanding this helps teens avoid “blind trust” in any casual, romantic, or familial relationship.
Two things to reiterate with your adolescent and young adult children:
- Stay open to discussions regarding any family members or family friends that have given them an uneasy or uncomfortable feeling. Don’t be dismissive and instead ask questions to ensure you understand the situation.
- Remind them that these feelings of discomfort are valid with anyone, including current and future boyfriends or girlfriends. Let them set boundaries.
4. Consent: The Non-Negotiable Foundation
Since most abusers are known, prevention starts with teaching consent. Consent isn’t just ‘yes’ or ‘no’—it must be active, clear, and freely given every time. Teach your teen how to explicitly ask for consent and make sure they understand the following:
- Consent cannot be assumed based on past relationships or behavior.
- Consent cannot be elicited with force or threats.
- Someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot give valid consent.
- Consent is not valid if it was coerced with guilt-tripping or excessive pressure.
- Consent is not gender-specific. Both parties need to consent.
This can be uncomfortable for many teenagers and young adults, and they often feel embarrassed. Providing your child with a few phrases to have in their pocket can be a huge help when they feel backed against a wall. More importantly, practice this with your teen to call attention to a consent violation. These should be as straight-forward and firm as possible. A few examples include:
- “I’m not comfortable with this. Please stop right now.”
- “Why are you assuming I am okay with this? I just want to ___.”
- “I already asked you once to stop, and you didn’t. I am going to leave now.”
Explain to your teen that a dedicated abuser unfortunately may not listen. Also reassure them that it’s okay if they forget to use a phrase like this. The absence of a “no” does not equal a “yes.”
5. Believing Them Without Pressure
The most important thing a teen can hear from their parents is: “If something happens, I will believe you, and you can decide what happens next.”
Many survivors stay silent because they fell they won’t be believed or will be pushed into unwanted actions. Let your teen know they can come to you without judgment, you’ll support whatever steps they choose, and they don’t have to decide to report right away—if at all. This reassurance can be lifesaving, and though it’s not exactly a form of prevention, in the event your teen does experience a sexual assault, they will turn to you to get the help a survivor desperately needs.
These tough conversations can save your teen’s life
Unfortunately, only fifty to sixty percent of parents have these conversations on sexual assault prevention. By empowering your teen, you will help keep teens safer everywhere. Know that it might feel awkward, but one day your teen will thank you for preparing them on a topic they didn’t yet understand.
This is a contributed post by Ashlyn Darter, founder of Operation Halo, a community that helps girls develop the skills needed to confidently handle safety threats. Check out Operation Halo’s courses and other educational resources here.
Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These posts may help:
No One Talked to Me About Dating When I Was a Teen, So I’m Doing Better for My Daughter
I Want to Say No to a Co-Ed Sleepover, But My Teen Makes a Strong Case
Most Teens Want Comprehensive Sex Education To Make Better Decisions
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