Oh, my sweet child … he is 12 years old—in all its glory!
His feet are huge, his legs are long, and his hair is a mess (“I like it like that, Mom!”).
His attention is all over the place (and so are his moods.) He’s sweet and sincere, and then loud and sarcastic. He’s overwhelmed and annoyed, and then nonchalant and happy.
His decision-making skills are… well, still developing, as is the facial hair on his upper lip.
He is my second tween son, so I’ve done 12 before. I was just as confused with that one too, but I assumed it was the newbie mom thing.
12-year-old boys are caught in the middle.
He’s moved into middle school, which means he is surrounded by hundreds of other awkwardly charming tween boys caught in that transition between childhood and the teen years.
He and his friends love Star Wars, all things Marvel, and watching “Mr. Beast” on Youtube.
They eat SO many snacks (all day and night), still occasionally ride their bikes, and are constantly making fun of each other’s athletic abilities and other little quirks. They laugh it all off with good humor… for now.
Related: Eight Simple Things Middle School Boys Need to Survive This Crazy Time
12-year-old preteens are no longer little kids, but are also not yet men.
One minute he is this new mature person wanting to discuss a topic from his civics class, and the next he is laughing at poop jokes.
He is nervous around girls one day (experimenting with various deodorants) and casually hanging out with one of his besties (who happens to be a girl) the next.
I’ve had The Talk with him, so he knows the dance of the birds and the bees, but he still shakes his head and scrunches his nose if it ever comes up.
Despite regular growth spurts, he’s not ready to truly grow up yet.
Thankfully he doesn’t want to jump ahead and be a man just yet.
But things are already happening that will lead to that soon, and we’re all very aware.
And yet, even if he won’t admit it, he’s still the boy who loves talking about Pokemon with his little brothers and every so often still takes my hand in public without thinking twice about it.
When your son is going through puberty, expect the unexpected.
For a parent, I don’t really know what to expect each day.
Who’s going to come to the breakfast table? The pre-teen with the huge appetite and ever-expanding vocabulary, or the lanky boy plagued with worries who needs a morning hug and some positive reassurance that all is going to be OK?
While I don’t have all the answers, and am taking notes for child #3, I have learned to go with the flow at this age. To just enjoy this special time and be ready to parent the child who does come to the table—whoever that is on that day.
Related: 6 Genius Ways to Build a Lasting Relationship with Your Middle School Son
Stay out of their way, but be there if they need you.
Sometimes boys in their tween years need to feel like they can stand on their own two feet, and sometimes they need their mama. (I’m secretly hoping that need never goes away.)
So, that’s what we’re doing.
We’re following along on this unpredictable journey as he tiptoes into his teenage years.
We’re there beside him, helping when he needs us. And we step back when he wants to leap by himself.
This is 12.
It’s a puzzling age, for sure.
But I think if I just sit back and watch- and shake my head, cry, or laugh when I need to- we’re all going to be OK.
We were all 12 once and we got through it, right?
We got this. Just be sure to keep extra snacks on hand.
Looking for more resources to raising tweens? We recommend Middle School—Safety Goggles: Advised Exploring the Weird Stuff from Gossip to Grades, Cliques to Crushes, and Popularity to Peer Pressure by Jessica Speer and Lesley Imgart.
Raising tweens and teens is hard, but you’re not alone. These posts might help:
Teen Boys Need These 9 Simple Things to Get Through These Tough Years
Here Are The Tech Rules You Need To Be Setting For Your Tweens and Teens
What Are Executive Function Skills and Why Do Teens Struggle With Them?
The Best Netflix Shows for Tweens and Teens Families Can Enjoy Together
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Love the piece!!
This is so well written! I love the part about not knowing which boy will come to the breakfast table. My son is 14 and this is spot-on.
I love this! My oldest of 4 boys is 12 and this is exactly how I feel…. thank you for sharing!
My boys 37 24 14 I’ve been there obviously seems right on key it’s a phase like everything else just live them nothing last forever it does get better cherish every moment I did cause you don’t get it back and trust me they remember and will thank you one day ❤
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