Inside this post: Disrespect is often fleeting, but a mother’s love is forever.
“I just don’t respect you, mom.”
There it was—words my oldest son, fourteen precious years of age, hurled at me in the midst of a not-so-infrequent argument. Clearly, his words were mirrors of his actions earlier that day, so it came as no surprise.
However, hearing those six words of brutal truth punctured the deepest depths of my soul.
“I just don’t respect you, mom.”
Our children often say (and do) hurtful things, especially when they are in the throes of teenage angst and rapid brain development while treacherously navigating the rough waters of transition from childhood to adulthood.
Do I desire for my sons to respect me? Of course I do. Do I know that the reality of their respect will at times wax and wane like the inevitable phases of the moon? I believe I know that, as well. Years of experience in addition to stories from other moms who have trod the journey of teenage treachery have taught me to expect this, even as heartbreaking as it may seem at the time.
Sometimes our teens push back to pull away.
Related: How to Deal with Teenage Backtalk and Disrespect
Teens Have No Perspective–And Think Parents Don’t Understand Their Life
Thus, to those disrespectful teenagers who truly feel that mom simply doesn’t ’get it,’ I want to share this keen insight with you–Your mom very much does get it.
She was there once. She understood her own parents about as much as you understand yours. She struggled with transitioning from a child to a teen to an adult. She felt the tangled net of dependence descend upon her when what she really wanted to feel was the freedom of independence and to pursue her whims.
Your mother fought with her parents every bit as much as you did, until one day, she became a mother herself….
And then things changed. She was taken over by the overpowering love one cannot fathom until holding her very own precious offspring, and faced with the very part of her heart that she holds most dear. That woman watched you grow, kissing scraped knees, healing hurt hearts, and attending ball games and musical performances. Your mother was always there, on the sidelines of life, cheering for her precious little boy–the one true love of her life that will never fade and never fall away.
Your mother is still there now that you are a teenager–even though these year off her heart little validation, kind words, appreciation, and yes, respect.
But it is okay. She has enough respect stored up in her mother’s tender heart for the both of you.
Related: Tired of Constantly Struggling with Your Teen – These Five Tips Can Make Your Life Easier
Teen disrespect is often temporary.
While you may say hurtful things and take her for granted day in and day out, your mother knows that these years are simply the tides pull toward your future destiny. Your feelings will change. Your respect and admiration will return. Your understanding will someday blossom into a garden of appreciation for the mother who always put you first and loved you with a fierce loyalty that seems to be sorely lacking in this sad old world.
You will one day hold your precious son or daughter in your big, strong daddy’s arms and wonder how on earth you lived in this world so long without fully knowing the true definition of love.
And you will think of your dear mother, the sacrifices she made, the lessons learned, the butting of heads, and the often-cruel tug-of-war during these final years of childhood. You will realize how much you respect that woman–that very woman who gave you life, and who lovingly shared her body with you until you were able to function on your own.
She nourished you from the first day. She watched you grow, read nightly bedtime stories, healed your emotional heartaches and physical bone breaks. Her love never wavered, even through the darkest duels of your teenage angst-filled years.
Respect may not be given at this point by either of you. It needs to be earned. And many times, respect comes after you go through something, at a time when one’s full understanding is finally, fatefully, divinely clicked into place with a life change that narrates one ending transitioning to a new beginning.
It is rare for a teen to understand what it takes to be a parent.
Son, it is okay if you don’t feel the respect at this time. It will come. And your mother will be full of grace and tinted with tears of realization when that glorious moment arrives.
Until then, my dedication, discipline, and dutiful prayers for you will sprinkle the seeds of respect over your growing body until, one day, those seeds faithfully grow. I know my efforts today will help you become a strong, unwavering tree of character, with never ending-kindness, immeasurable love, and a deep devotion from a treasured son to his aging mother.
Yes, I know that respect will come. But for now, the undeniable love we share will carry us through this often angst-filled seas.
Want to develop a deeper connection with your teen?
Looking for more information on how to improve your relationship with your teenagers? Check out this book by our Parenting Teens & Tween’s co-founder Whitney Fleming, You’re Not a Failure: My Teen Doesn’t Like Me Either.
Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These post can help:
Eight Simple Things Middle School Boys Need to Survive This Crazy Time
What Parents Need to Know About 12-Year-Old Boys
4 Ways to Help Your Teenage Son Practice Self-Care
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