Recently, a friend took in her 13-year-old niece for the summer because her parents fell on some rough times.
At first, she gave the young girl quite a bit of grace with her cell phone. She recognized how overwhelming it must be to leave your home and temporarily move in with someone else.
She didn’t say anything when the teen sat on the couch for hours scrolling and scrolling. She didn’t pipe in when the young girl walked around the house with her nose in her phone. She tried not to scold her when she repeatedly said “Wait just one minute,” so she could finish a text instead of responding to a question.
Finally, when the girl tried to bring her phone to Sunday family dinner, my friend had enough. She told her niece to leave her phone at the counter for meal time.
That’s when the cell phone drama began.
First, there was a whole tech tantrum about how the rule was unfair.
When she finally made it to the table, she turned around to look at the phone every time it buzzed. She did not participate in any of the conversations and wolfed down her meal, asking to be excused the moment the last bite went into her mouth.
She didn’t even wait for an answer, she just jumped up and went straight to her phone.
The next week, my friend found that the young girl was staying up all hours of the night, sleeping with the phone under her pillow so she could hear any messages. When her Aunt made her shut the phone off, she constantly thought she heard vibrations, even when the phone was powered down.
She appeared uncomfortable and jittery when her phone was not within reach and started lying about when she was using it.
This teen had a serious cell phone addiction.
While this young girl’s story scared me, I also get that cell phones are common place in the lives of teens and adults today. I believe that even if you use your phone the majority of your day, it doesn’t necessarily make you “addicted.”
And let’s get real, we’re not really going to ban teen cell phone use.
The truth is, in today’s digital world, smartphones do make our lives easier. It’s simple to use it to check for weather updates, communicate with friends, finish homework, complete work tasks, order food, and so much more.
But, as with anything in parenting, you should always know where the tipping point is for your child. You need to be able to recognize the signs of cell phone addiction and be aware it could be different for each child.
Technology isn’t going away, but we can reduce our teen and tween’s vulnerability to cell phone addiction.
A great way to do this is by establishing healthy boundaries and making sure you have set some very clear cell phone rules for teens and tweens.
Cell Phone Rules To Help Avoid Teen Cell Phone Addiction
No Phones at Bedtime:
We all know teens today are over scheduled with school work, activities, and gaining college acceptance, and study after study shows that our older kids are not getting enough sleep. Set up a charging station that you can monitor and make sure your kids adhere to putting their phones in it roughly an hour before bedtime. In our house, it’s 8:30 p.m. on school nights and 9:30 p.m. on weekends.
Only One Screen at a Time:
One of my pet peeves is when I see my three daughters sitting on the couch watching a movie and scrolling through their phones; Or, when they are using the computer for homework, yet continuously stop to text. If you can’t finish a task without checking your phone, in my opinion, you have a problem. So, we instated a one screen at a time rule, so my kids learn to remain focused and in the moment of whatever they are doing at the time.
Reclaim Family Meals:.
No one, and that includes Mom and Dad, can bring their phones to the table. We only get to eat dinner together as an entire family a few times a week, so that is the time we catch up with each other. If you don’t want to talk, you don’t get to fill the void with your phone. Period.
Limiting access to social media, games, etc.
My daughters find a new game to play on their phone every week. Sometimes they have a hard time pulling themselves away, and I find that they sneak to finish one more level or scroll one more post. I set up time restrictions so they can only access specific apps on their phones during certain time periods. For example, they can’t access games and social media until after school, so it isn’t a distraction.
Free Screen Time:
If their homework is done and rooms are clean, I let them have an hour or two where they can use their phone without me pushing the rules down their throats. Whether I like it or not, teens connect digitally, and I remember spending hours on my hot pink phone in my room on a three-way call with my friends. Although I know my parents thought it was ridiculous, they let me find that time to bond with my friends.
Smart Phone-Free Days.
Okay, maybe not the entire day, but I like to take my girls on hikes or shopping, and we leave all the cell phones home except for one, which can’t be used unless it’s an emergency. It’s good for parents and kids alike to know that they can go hours (or gasp, even days) without using their phone.
Turn Off Push Notifications.
My daughters always wanted to peek at their phones to see if anyone had texted, posted, messaged, etc. When we turned off these notifications, and they did not incessantly appear on the screen, my teens desire to check their phones plummeted.
Walk the Walk.
We all follow the same rules in our house, even Mom and Dad. It’s easy to use the “work” card, but to truly show your teens they don’t need their phones 24/7, you have to demonstrate that you don’t either.
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How do you guard against teen cell phone addiction in your family?
My teenage son is addicted to his phone. It bothers me alot. When I ask him to switch it off at bedtime he screams at me. I am running out of patience with his behaviuor. Should I raised this issue with his school? Please advise me. Thank you
Unfortunately, this isn’t a school issue this is a parenting issue. Who bought the phone? Who pays for the phone? I’m guessing you do. So, it’s your property, take it away. It’s that simple. If he wants the privilege of having a phone, he has to earn it and that comes with respect and following the rules.
I frequently take my daughter’s phone for talking back and disrespect. Anywhere from 24hrs to weeks. I also take tablets, kindle, tv and roku remotes.
Teens thrive with boundaries and consistent consequences for noncompliance.
A monitored charging station time for all phones. Use plug in alarms.
Think about alternating weekly with a flip phone.
Set an example with your phone usage.
*I need to take my own advice.
I have a 16 year old daughter, the mobile phone has been a constant battle, until two years ago I took it off her completely for over 6 months until her attitude improved, school work, she spent time with her younger sisters and started reading again.
When she did get the phone back it was heavily restricted by password restrictions I’d set, no social media, no email accounts and limited screen time. It was to be in our bedroom at 9pm. She has discovered the password on two occasions and downloaded snapchat, but every time I’d delete it and put more restrictions on it.
I don’t have a problem with her using a phone that’s how these kids sadly communicate now, but there has to be balance and when it becomes like an emotional breakdown when you remove it from them or it affects the family environment, that’s when we as grown ups have to step in and say enough, time out with the phone until the balance is restored.
At the end of the day I pay the contract it’s my phone and you will do as you are told!!! 80% of the time she does, but still with the occasional grumble!!
What do you use to lock out Snapchat? My daughter got a phone from her birth dad and her behavior, grades, family involvement went down the tubes after that. I had rules that she would constantly break, I currently have the phone but she graduates soon and I am not sure when to give it back. She has a serious addiction to the thing, I think Snapchat streaks are her weakness.
Unfortunately, snapchat is one of the hardest social media apps to monitor and you can’t really lock it. You can removed it from her phone and block her ability to download any apps without your permission which would keep her from re-installing it, but if she is graduating and moving into adulthood I don’t think that is really going to be an option. I think the best you can do at this point is talk to her about making healthy choices, ask her about how she felt about her behavior and other important things in her life when she was absorbed in snap chat. Talk about her future goals and how this might impede her. There are ways that she can set time limits herself on certain apps to help her better regulate her usage, so this might be an option.
I just can’t find a way to solve this phone addictive problem. Years ago, when the problem started, We disconnected his phone, but then, he learned to get connected with phone apps such as kick, Instagram, etc via wifi, so, it didn’t matter we didn’t pay a phone, he still was connected with an old phone he found in our garage. Since then, we have confiscated a total of 7 phones; ea. Time we find a new phone and we confiscate it, he buys a cheap one at school and hides it until we find it. Teachers complain about him sleeping during classes. We have talked to him many ways and he seems no to understand or care
This seems to go beyond the norm for some kids, I’d encourage you to consider getting him counseling of some kind.
I have been dealing with cell phone issues for over a year but now she refuses to go to school or practice if she doesn’t have her phone. Threatening how she she doesn’t want to live In an attempt to scare us into giving her phone back. Please advise I can’t drag her out of bed to go to school but she isn’t telling us what she is doing at 13.
I think that shows a lack of maturity and that she isn’t ready for the phone. I can only speak for how I’d handle it with my child b/c every child is different and every relationship. But I would cancel all phone service and put the phone away. I would make it clear to her that she is legally obligated to go to school and you are legally obligated to get her there, if she really wants to involve the police and social services than that is her choice. But I’d schedule a meeting with her principal, her teachers and her school counselor so they can help you reinforce the issue of not going to school. As for practice, well that’s her choice as any extra curricular should be something the child wants to participate in and threatening to not go should be more of punishment for her than you. If she wants to get kicked off the team, that’s her choice. But again, make it clear that she won’t have a phone and all of this behavior shows that she really shouldn’t be entitled to other privileges that come with showing maturity, respect and accountability. Therefore, that means no social engagements, technology or other freedoms. She’ll have to earn it all back. So, when not in school she can help with chores around the house, she can read or she can do homework. I’d even take her door off its hinges b.c. she’s not really deserving of privacy either. I realize some parents would say this is a harsh approach, but you’re not being cruel and I would do this all without yelling or demeaning her in any way. It would just be simple behavior/attitude = consequence. It’s life and in life there are rules and there is authority and you have to be willing respect both.
I too am dealing with this right now. I have been struggling with my 12y.o. cell phone use. I’ve taken it away multiple times before. Note that she’s getting bigger, it becomes physical, to the point this week she actually bit me, punched and kicked me. I had to call the cops. Which is absolutely ridiculous and a waste of their time…. Like really. Over a kid who won’t give up their cell phone. Ridiculous. I have done it all. Taken it away before, changed wifi passwords. She’s even broke her phone only to buy a used one. She’s never had a data plan, but tweens and teens don’t really text like adults anyway. Everything is on social media platforms that require wifi, and with wifi available almost everywhere you go, it doesn’t hinder their ability to use their phone. Currently in my household, the phone is gone, iPad gone, and she’s staying with relatives until a plan can be made and agreed upon by both of us. I should add though, that my daughter also has ADD/ODD and this makes it that me difficult as the emotional maturity isn’t there and she lacks reasoning. Just wanted to let you all know your not alone, and it makes me feel a bit better knowing that there are others like me. I am trying my best and will continue for the health and safety of my children.