Why Learning Emotional Regulation Can Make You a Better Parent

Inside: It’s never too late to learn emotional regulation. Here are five ways to incorporate it into parenting your teens and tweens.

This is a contributed piece by Anat Peri, Emotional Health Educator and founder of the Training Camp for the Soul program.

Parenting teenagers and tweens is not for the faint of heart. One day they’re asking for help with homework, the next they’re rolling their eyes, slamming doors, and insisting they know everything. For many parents, this transition from “little kid” to “big kid” can feel like whiplash.

It’s easy to lose your cool in these moments. When your teen ignores you, backtalks disrespectfully, or pushes limits, it can stir up frustration, fear, or even old wounds from your own adolescence. You might find yourself saying things you swore you’d never say, raising your voice, or feeling powerless.

If you find yourself losing your temper, constantly yelling, or reacting negatively to your teen’s every move, you might need to assess if you need help with emotional regulation. Emotional regulation refers to the processes individuals use to manage and respond to their emotional experiences in appropriate and adaptive ways. It encompasses strategies to amplify, maintain, or decrease one’s emotional responses.

Here’s the good news: emotional regulation isn’t something you either have or you don’t. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened at any age. When you learn to regulate your emotions as a parent, you not only bring more peace into your home, you also teach your teen one of life’s most valuable lessons: how to stay grounded when emotions run high.

The truth is, your kids are watching you more than they’re listening to you. How you handle stress, conflict, and disappointment becomes a model for how they’ll handle it too. By practicing emotional regulation yourself, you’re equipping your teen with tools that will serve them for the rest of their life.

How to Improve Your Parenting by Improving Your Emotional Regulation

Here are five practical, doable ways to incorporate emotional regulation into your parenting starting today.

1. Pause and Name What’s Happening

When your teen pushes your buttons, your nervous system can go into fight-or-flight mode before you even realize it. Your heart races, your jaw tightens, your voice gets sharper. Instead of reacting on autopilot, try pausing and naming what you’re experiencing.

You might say silently to yourself: “I feel anger rising. My chest feels tight. My shoulders are tense.”

Why this works: Neuroscience shows that when we label our emotions, we shift activity from the emotional part of the brain to the thinking part. It’s like turning on the lights in a dark room where suddenly you can see what’s happening and choose how to respond instead of reacting impulsively.

Action step: Next time you feel triggered, take a breath and quietly name what’s happening inside you. Practice this even in small moments such as traffic or grocery lines so it becomes second nature.

2. Use a Physical Reset

Sometimes emotions feel too strong to think your way through. In those moments, it helps to reset your body before you speak.

Simple resets can include drinking an ice-cold glass of water, stepping outside for two minutes of fresh air, or pressing your feet firmly into the ground and taking three slow breaths.

Why this works: Your body and nervous system are wired to calm when you interrupt the stress cycle. Physical resets give your brain the signal: “I’m safe. I can calm down.”

Action step: Choose one reset strategy you like and practice it during calm times. That way, when conflict flares, you’ll know exactly what to do.

3. Share Your Feelings Without Blame

Teens are quick to shut down when they feel accused. “You never listen!” or “You’re so disrespectful!” might fly out in the heat of the moment, but they usually escalate the conflict.

Instead, try shifting to “I” statements that express your feelings without blame. For example:

Instead of “You’re always yelling,” try: “I feel overwhelmed when there’s shouting because I need calm to think clearly.”
Instead of “You never do your chores,” try: “I feel frustrated when the dishes are left out because I value a clean space.”

Why this works: “I” statements lower defensiveness. They keep the focus on your feelings and needs rather than attacking your child’s character.

Action step: Write down three “I feel…when…” statements for situations that commonly trigger you. Keep them handy until they feel natural.

4. Model Repair When You Mess Up

Here’s the truth: even with the best tools, you’ll still lose it sometimes. You’ll yell, say something you regret, or storm off. That doesn’t make you a bad parent, it makes you human.

What matters most is what you do next. Coming back to repair teaches your teen a skill many adults struggle with: accountability.

You might say: “I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier. I was stressed and didn’t pause to calm myself. I’ll try to do better next time.”

Notice you’re not excusing your behavior, nor are you blaming them. You’re modeling ownership and repair.

Why this works: Teens learn from what you do, not what you preach. When you show them how to repair, you’re giving them a blueprint for handling mistakes in their own relationships.

Action step: After the next conflict, practice circling back within 24 hours with a short, sincere repair.

5. Build Regulation Rituals Together

Regulation doesn’t have to happen only in a crisis. In fact, it’s even more powerful when woven into everyday family life.

Consider creating small rituals that promote calm and connection such as evening walks together after dinner, five-minute stretch breaks during homework time, or listening to calming music on the drive home from school.

Even better, ask your teen what helps them feel calm. You might be surprised by their answers. By choosing a ritual together, you create buy-in and connection.

Why this works: Emotional regulation becomes part of family culture rather than a punishment or lecture. Over time, your teen internalizes these practices as normal ways to handle stress.

Action step: Ask your teen, “What helps you calm down when you’re stressed?” Choose one of their ideas and commit to trying it together.

Emotional Regulation Is an Important Component of Parenting

Parenting teens and tweens is a wild ride. Their moods can swing, their independence can sting, and your patience will be tested daily. But here’s what’s important to remember: emotional regulation isn’t about being perfect. It’s about practicing presence.

Every time you pause, reset, share your feelings, repair, or create rituals, you’re showing your teen what it looks like to handle big emotions with grace. That lesson may matter far more than any rule, chore chart, or lecture.

It’s never too late to learn these skills. And when you do, you’ll find that not only does your relationship with your teen improve, your relationship with yourself does too.

Because at the end of the day, your teen won’t remember every argument. They’ll remember how you made them feel: safe, seen, and loved.

This is a contributed piece by Anat Peri, an Emotional Health Educator, Inner Child Expert, and Founder of Training Camp for the Soul™. With over 20 years of experience, she helps people heal their emotional patterns, regulate their nervous systems, and reconnect to their true selves. You can also follow Anat on social media @anat.peri (on Instagram),@anat.peri.58 (on Facebook), and anat-peri (on LinkedIn.)

Parenting teens and tweens is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. These posts may help:

This Is How to Handle Teen School Refusal

Here Are 20 Easy and Healthy Coping Skills for Teens

Seven Simple Consequences for Teens to Help with Discipline

This Powerful Parenting Mindshift Can Transform Your Teen’s Attitude

Why Learning Emotional Regulation Can Make You a Better Parent